Seriously. Let it end.

J and I took ourselves out to a Japanese Steak House for dinner tonight. We had the pleasure of sharing a table with two couples both armed with small children. The women spent THE ENTIRE dinner discussing/planning when they would next get pregnant. For fucks sake- Please let this year just END.

Peace out 2011. Fo Sho.

What I've Learned This Year

I'm a day or two early, but the weekend will be busy. 2011 sucked. I can't even try to sugar coat it. But even through all the sucky parts, I would be lying if I said I didn't learn anything.

So what I learned this year was...

1. Cancer sucks. It's scary- even when the prognosis is excellent.

2. Despite my independence, if anything were to happen to my husband, I would be useless. He is so intertwined with me now that I'm not sure I would ever want to function without him.

3. I am done doing things for the sole purpose of obligation. There's GOT to be a better reason than that. I don't always accomplish this, but I'm getting better at it.

4. J and I have an excellent 5 year plan in place. We are great at making decisions together.

5. I'm committed in the upcoming year to find some new hobbies.

6. My job is just a thing that provides me with a paycheck and fuels the 5 year plan. If I didn't need money, I would quit today with no regrets.

7. As much as I hate to admit it, I kind of love South Park.

8. Infertility is terrible. It's unfair. It's terrifying. I hope that one day I can see the other side of that coin.

9. The older I get, the more I am able to appreciate my mother and all she has done for me.

10. More and more, I understand that life never seems to go as planned.

When I Grow Up

When I grow up, I want to be a ______________.

You'd think that when I was rounding the corner to 34 that I'd be able to fill in that blank. But yeah, no clue. When I was in my early 20's, I would have told you that I wanted to do research. Psychological research. And then I would have said that eventually, somewhere along the way, I'd like to have a family.

With all the job hating that's been going on recently, J and I have had a lot of conversation about where my job/career is going. Is this a time to think about making a change? Can we afford that? How does that change our plan? I've been up way past my bed time tonight thinking about this. I got a call for an interview tomorrow. It's pretty much the same kind of job that I have now. They promised me at least at $10,000 raise. But it's in the city. And I'm dreading even going to the interview. I'm dreading it because they will throw a bunch of money at me and ask me to come work for them. And then I'll have to fill in that blank up there.

So through all this- what I've been thinking about is my stupid infertility. Do you plan your life around something that doesn't exist yet? Something that may never exist? Or do you charge forward as if that thing wasn't what you really want most? Will that 2 hour commute to the city wreck my family life? Will I have a family life? Will I have a family?

Now that I'm in my 30's (almost mid-30's YIKES) and you asked me to fill in the blank, my first answer is that I want to be a Mom. And a $10,000 raise isn't worth compromising that goal or making it any harder than it already is.

A Not Mean Post About Christmas

Christmas was great. Or great-ish. The part with J was great. He is really the best gift giver on the planet. I am spoiled. I got a beautiful diamond and pearl necklace. He is amazeballs. He suggested that we go to Maryland early to go to church with my Mom. It was really the best gift she got. I think she appreciated us being there more than anything. And my ex-boyfriends parents sat next to her- awkward.

Then we baked cookies and got the food ready. My sister swooped in with the kids. Oh my sweet little nephew. I love him to pieces. He's almost 2 and is talking and saying Santa and Merry Christmas and Ho Ho Ho. He wants you to read books to him. He melts my heart. It's so much fun to see Christmas through their eyes.

My mom gave us a ridiculous amount of money for Christmas. And even without her telling me, I know she did it because she spends so much on my sister's kids and she feels like she has to even the score. She's so generous, but all it did was remind me that we have no kids.

I'm desperately hoping that next year's Christmas post will be different.

An Actual Christmas Conversation

A little back story: My sister, C, has two kids. I got diamonds for Christmas from J. (I know, he's kind of awesome)

I was on the phone with my sister today asking her about what her plans were for the day.

J was talking with my mom.

My mom: "C is jealous that you get Kathy diamonds for Christmas."

J: "Kathy would gladly trade everything in the universe for her two kids."

And THAT is why I married J.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Dear Santa,

What would I like from Santa this year? Really- I just want the year to end. I sit here after working 60 hours in 4 days and when I think about Christmas, I'd just like it to be over. I'm having a hard time finding any joy in the holidays this year. My job has managed to suck the life out of me in the last three weeks. I've been cranky and pretty miserable.

Next year has to be better, right? What is worse than finding out you have cancer? Please please please- don't let it get worse than that. I'm trying not to live my life 6 months in advance, but I'm semi-terrified of the roller coaster ahead of me. Terrified that things won't work out yet again and that I'll spend another Christmas being sad about how the year turned out.

So Santa, you can skip the presents. Just bring me a fresh start.

Ornament Exchanage

On the message board I am active on- 3T- we did a holiday ornament exchange. I got this awesome package in the mail today from Emily. Orange sparkly ornaments and homemade english toffee! SCORE! The ornaments glow with the lights on the tree. I love orange- it's my absolute favorite. I really think that there is something awesome about snail mail. Even when you kind of know it's coming. It seems like it arrives exactly on the day you need it. I love you 3T girls. <3

A Few Things

I'm seriously a blogging slacker. SORRY!

1. I took a mental health day from work yesterday. I was in a total panic about not having time to get everything I need to get done accomplished at home so I stayed home and did all of it. And now I'm in a total panic about getting all my work done at work. I can't win.

2. I've learned that my husband shops for toys specifically for the purpose of torturing my cat.

3. I'm desperately seeking a job working for Uncle Sam. Anyone got a hook up??

4. I spent last weekend with my high school friends. I'm hoping that we'll spend one weekend together every Christmas season. I'm so thankful to have them in my life.

5. I hate myself for not doing picture Christmas cards this year. They are so much less work. Totally selfish reason for doing it, but the truth.

6. J is giving me a complex about Christmas. There are about 10 things under the tree for me. Show off!

7. Pretty sure I'm going to fail at my reading challenge this year. I'm reading like a freak trying to catch up. 50 books in a year doesn't sound like a lot, but holy shiz it really is.

8. We're going to J's company Christmas party this weekend. They are putting us up in a hotel. I'm getting wasted and having hotel sex. Trust.

9. I have spent the entire day fighting the urge to cry. Why? No reason really. Just general life suckage.

10. I'm newly addicted to playing Hangin with Friends. Like Words With Friends, but hangman. Wanna play? I'm Kathy4678.

Holiday Travel

I'm going to Maine. Humph.

I went to work last week and was told that I would be going to Maine on December 12 and would be gone until Christmas and then back to Maine in January. I was pissed. No one asked me if I could travel, if I had plans. Nothing. I went into a panic thinking about how I was going to finish Christmas shopping and holiday stuff before leaving. J's family was doing Christmas on an "off" day this year since my Brother in law's family was traveling to Michigan for Christmas. I made them change the day of their celebration so I could be there. And I resigned myself to two weeks in Maine. The travel side aside- the job I'll be doing in Maine blows. I'll be working in a call center. It's a job they could train anyone off the street to do. It's a huge slap in the face from my supervisors.

I went to work the next day and was told that all the plans had changed and I would be flying to Maine on the 28th and would be spending the new year there and coming home the following week. After I had rearranged my whole life. Awesome.

That was last week. Travel arrangements still haven't been made. Nothing is final. There is a solid chance that I'll be ringing in the New Year in Maine. Alone. Working. In a call center. Seems so appropriate considering the year I've had, right?

Needless to say- the job hunt is ON.

Holiday Crafts

In my attempts to enjoy the holidays, I've been crafting again. I'm spending the weekend with my girlfriends and I decided to make them homemade sugar scrubs for their hands and feet. I found the recipes on Pinterest. (Duh. Where do all my craft ideas come from?) They were cheap and easy to make. They smell delish! I made Pina Colada, Fresh Squeezed Lemonade, Pumpkin Pie, and Dark Chocolate Brownie. Cute gift ideas!

Here are the finish products!

My Tree

J and I finally decorated our tree.

I guess it makes me feel more Christmas-ish, but not really. There is a whole separate post about what's currently ruining my holiday. But until I have time to post about stupid Maine, I'll show you some of my favorite ornaments.

J bought this for me for our first Christmas together. Awe.

This is from a collection of ornaments from the Franklin Mint. My family started collecting these 18k gold ornaments each year since my parents were married. Now J and I have our own collection going. And we will keep that tradition going into our family. Here is the 2011 ornament- Away in a Manger.

This ornament is from my Grandmother's collection. Each of her grandchildren (there are 9 of us) split up her Christmas ornaments after she passed away a little over 3 years ago. This one is my favorite of hers.

There are a ton more on the tree, but those are some of the greatest hits.

What Made Me Laugh Today

No idea, but I cried from laughing. CRIED.

Blogging Ideas

I need new topics. My IF life is on hold. I've been pretty boring lately. So I found some interesting things that may provide some good blogging. Answer these questions:

1. When do the ends justify the means?

2. Tell me about the one that got away. A friend, lover, job.

3. Would you rather read minds or live forever?

4. Tell me about what you miss.

Answers to come in future posts.

Lots more things

1. I'm still a workin fool. It's retirement season and we're busy little bees. I hope that things will chill out after the holidays. Sadly, my blogging has suffered cause of my work schedule. Lamesauce.

2. J and I went away for Thanksgiving. It was glorious. Absolutely glorious. We spent four full days doing nothing but hanging out with each other. It was good to refill the husband time tank. I was in desperate need of a break from life and it was amazing.

3. I have moved further and further away from my sister. I love her kids, but she makes me want to vag punch her. She's so damn selfish and it makes me crazy.

4. I've become close with another one of my efriends- B- and I have never wanted to send someone an ehug more in my life. BP if you are reading this- know that I am sending you love all the way to AZ and back.

5. I am exhausted all the time recently. I want to blame my thyroid, but I'm sure it's probably because all I do is work and sleep and when I'm not working, I want to be sleeping. And I'm getting fatter by the day. Awesome.

6. I've made good headway with Christmas shopping. And it's just barely December. GO ME!

7. It's December. Holy Crap. I'd like to say that I'm shocked and the time has gone so fast, but I would like to speed through December. 2011 sucked and I'd like to forget it happened.

8. I think that I'm caught in a strange dichotomy- I post on message boards that bombard me with baby stuff. I do this willingly because my efriends are there. But continuing this is really contributing to my internal bitterness. I just can't quit you, efriends.

9. My in laws are getting a divorce. It's turning into a 120% cluster fuck. I'm terrified that my mother in law will want to live with us. And then I'm terrified that J will let her.

10. Next weekend I'm spending the weekend with my favorites. The girls from this post. Spending time with them is good for my soul. Plus I'll get to bake. And give gifts. I can't wait.

Blog Award!

I got a blog award! Whoop Whoop!! A few days ago I was lucky enough to receive the Liebster Blog award from a wonderful blogger and efriend whose blog you can find HERE. The award is specifically designed for blogs with under 200 followers.

I must pay it forward and introduce you to some of my favorites. Check these girls out when you have some time.

1.Melissa at Up to the Moon and Back

2. Adorable Tales of the E, W, and the Foosa at Growing a Foosa

3. Kelly at Natalie and Adam's Journey

4. Brooke at Invisible Finish Line

5. Megan at Hoping for Baby B

Where I've Been

Well working, really. Work is 110% insanity right now. I hate my work life THE MOST. I day dream of pushing my manager off the roof or hanging myself by the blind cords daily. Ok- that may sound a little extreme, but I certainly threaten.

So I've been working. And I've been sad. Time marches on and I get more and more sad. I'm pretty good at faking that I'm fine. But I'm not sure that I am. I'm sad every time I think about this situation that I'm in. I'm sad thinking about what happens to us if IVF doesn't work. I'm sad when I find out that people are having baby #2 already. I can feel myself growing resentful of my own sister when I watch her with her own children. I judge her every parenting move and all I can think of is why her and not me?

In the Infertile world- the word bitter is a dangerous term. You don't call someone bitter. But what about calling yourself bitter? Cause I think I'm headed there. It's becoming pretty challenging for me not to want to drown myself in a giant tank of self pitty. I'm feeling increasingly fucked over by the universe each day. Faking it is exhausting. I'm fine! I'm happy about your pregnancy! I don't think it's bad if you tell your son that his father is a dick! It's great!

So that's kind of where I've been. I'm trying not to drag my blog down the drain with me. Every time I think I should post- it's about something depressing.

Where did my things go?

Two weeks deep and no blogging. My life has gone to crap lately. Work is 150% out of control and super mega busy so I'm behind on my blogging. I'll be back soon!!

Facebook blows.

Once I posted about the day that I ran into the girl from high school in my RE's office. Today Facebook told me that she had a baby girl. :::le sigh:::

I shouldn't care, but lately I feel like puking. I hate feeling jealous of other people. I'd like to be satisfied with what I've been given in life. Infertility sucks.

Holy Shiz it's Tuesday already?

I can barely keep up. Here we go.

1. Three weeks from tomorrow, we are leaving for South Carolina. Seriously. Can't.Happen.Soon.Enough. For realsies.

2. The approaching holidays are bumming me out in a serious way. Another stupid Christmas with no kids. If we could skip to January, it would really work out best for me. MMMmmmkay?

3. I got to see my niece and nephew last weekend and I love them. I melt when I see them. Except for the part when I spend the WHOLE time giving my sister a HUGE side eye for her parenting choices. I know, I know- when I have my own, I'll see what it's like. Whatever. My 18 month old nephew ate a block of Styrofoam while she sat on the couch. I can't deal.

4. Spending my whole life at work is not helping me deal with anything. I should know that by now.

5. I bailed on birth control. Stupid? Maybe. But let's be real- no sperm = no baby. So whatevs.

Oh and then you would have to have sex too. There's that. Humph.

6. J's birthday is in 13 days. Guess who has NO clue what to get him? That's right- THIS girl.

7. I just realized that all my things are super negative. I'm having a good hair day today. There's my one good thing. Ha!

8. I HAVE to get my ass on the elliptical machine before it gets any bigger!! Yikes!

9. The only TV show that I like watching- Top Chef- (random, right??) is starting a new season tonight. Whoop Whoop!!

10. Our anniversary is coming up in two weeks. We decided to get ourselves a joint present and get a new piece of furniture. The 2nd Anniversary gift is wood, after all!

Controlling the Birth

Or not?

So I had radiation treatment in July. And all the doctors told me NO BABIES for one year. My OB told me to go back on birth control. In my head, I thought- for what? I mean essentially no sperm = no babies anyway, right? Well my theory was that with my shitty luck- I would be the one to get pregnant like a minute after glowing from the radiation and then be terrified that I did something horrible to my child. So I did what I was told and I went back on birth control. And I hate it.

So now I think I've decided to just peace out on the birth control. I HATE it. And while I know that's not the best reason- It's starting to push me in that direction. What I really need to do is some research on radiation iodine and pregnancy in the pretty freakin slim chance that I do end up knocked up. I think my endocrinologist would HATE me if that happened, but I don't think it will anyway. So maybe some research and THEN a decision.

Ten More Things

1. <------That is my Boo Kitty. My first love. Isn't he sweet?

2. How is it Tuesday already? I barely had time to think of my 10 things and BAM- Tuesday again. I guess I should be thankful that the time is passing quickly, right?

3. J and I booked all our activities for our Thanksgiving trip to Charleston, SC! We're doing a night time walking tour of a haunted JAIL. SCORE! I love a good jail.

4. Work is total crazycakes right now. I'm walking a fine line between not being a manager and being a manager. My boss wants me to be a manager and I'm trying so hard not to be, but she is sucking me in. Not cool, man. Not cool.

5. We've decided to take our niece and nephew on a fun outing once a month. October was RenFest, November- we ice skate! Aunt Kathy hasn't been ice skating in a hot minute so that should be interesting. I'd just like to not break an ankle.

6. Alexa Jane is here!! My good friend M had her baby girl and now I have another baby! Happy Birthday Alexa and welcome to the world!! I love you already.

7. I started Christmas shopping. Please refer to last week's 10 things. :::pats self on the back:::

8. I decided that I'm going to roll some serious dice and just ditch birth control. I think the percent chance that I'll legit get pregnant without intervention is about zero so I figure, why bother?

9. I was supposed to start exercising this week. Maybe on Monday?

10. I challenged myself to read 50 books in 2011. I'm like 13 books behind and feeling the pressure!! How will I ever finish?!?! AHHH!

Android Blogging

Am I cool enough to blog from my phone?? Probably not.

Anyone else a mobile blogger?? This app kind of sucks. Is there a better way??

Ten Things on Tuesday

1. Pictures of numbers from 1 through 10 are not as cool as this cat with badass lazerz. Just sayin.

2. This is my 250th blog post. When I started this blog, I thought for sure by now I'd be posting about my kid.

3. We just booked a trip to Charleston, SC for Thanksgiving. That's right- we're bailing on having Thanksgiving with our families. And I'm kind of excited about that. We're calling it our "anniversary" trip, but really- we're dodging Thanksgiving.

4. We spent all day Sunday with my 6 year old niece and 3 year old nephew. I'm still exhausted. We had a long conversation on the way home from dropping them off that maybe just one kid would be nice.

5. My little 18 month old nephew James spent the weekend in the hospital with RSV. Sadness. He's fine now, but kind of scary.

6. I'm desperate to wean myself off Starbucks. I've been spending too much money and too many calories on Grande Toffee Nut Lattes. Even though they are yummy. Goodbye Starbucks Gold Card. I'll miss you.

7. I'm making plans this week to meet one of my most favorite eFriends, Heather (MySweetBaboo). She's traveling my way for Thanksgiving and I'm dying to meet her. She is amazeballs and I can't wait to hug her, as cheesy as that sounds.

8. I wish I could be one of those people who started Christmas shopping uber early and was done super early. Except I'm not and then I curse myself when I'm fighting through people a week before Christmas. I'm determined not to be that girl this year. Must.Start.Shopping.

9. I'm becoming an Etsy junkie. I love buying from Etsy. I have so many favorites. I lurve it.

10. Last Saturday was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I spent the day thinking of my friends who have experienced loss and remembering their little ones. Lots of elove to my Angels Charlotte and Adam.

Max: 1, Porta-Potty: 0

This weekend J and I took our niece and nephew to the Maryland Renaissance Festival. After all my time growing up in Maryland, I've never been to the Ren Fest. And now I know why.

I'm not into Renaissance Festival stuff. I don't like to dress up and drink grog and eat things off sticks. It was fun to bring the kids- we did pony rides and face painting. We got to be the totally awesome Aunt and Uncle who will buy you stuff, load you with sugar, and then send you home to Mom and Dad!

We've been telling Max for a while now that he couldn't come on our fun adventures until he was sporting some big boy pants. Aunt Kathy and Uncle J don't do diapers! So he's about 2 months deep on the potty training and all out of diapers. It was our first outing with Max. Well the Ren Fest has no indoor plumbing- it's a 100% porta-potty kinda place. Max had never used a porta potty before and 100% REFUSED to even try. He wanted nothing to do with it. I even made J go in and "show" him how it's done. But no dice. We had to leave and take him to a Burger King. ha ha

The strangest part was driving around with two kids seats strapped into our car. All I could do was think about how I wanted them to be mine.

Ten Things on Tuesday

On Wednesday....

So a little late, but that's ok. I've been a lazy blogger lately. So hopefully 10 Things will keep things up to date a little better when I don't have time for big long blog entries.

1. I survived a second trip to the dentist. I went all by myself- no adult supervision. No sedation. I got the needles and everything. Pretty impressed with myself. One more appointment and I should be done with that hot mess.

2. I got sick last week. I hate being sick. But hopefully my one sickness of the season and I'm back to good health.

3. My trip to Maine has been postponed indefinitely. So probably won't be eating a lobster anytime soon. And Hi to the Machias lady who commented on my blog- sorry I won't be visiting.

4. J's new job came with a new schedule. While I usually had the early morning to myself, now we're bumping into each other trying to get ready and I've had to adjust my whole "getting ready" process. Not fun. Needless to say, I've been getting to work SUPER early and that puts me in bed at 9 like a senior citizen. Lamesauce.

5. J's new job came with a new paycheck. YEAH! We're in the midst of getting our finances organized and going on financial lock down so we can prepare for the future- whatever it may bring.

6. My husband now officially weighs less than me. A depressing day. Time to get crackin on that.

7. I realized this week that there aren't any television shows that I watch on the regular. I just watch whatever J has on- usually not something I would pick. If we got rid of cable, I would survive.

8. I watched season 1 of The Tudors while ill and it's like soft core porn. I'm certain that Henry VIII had syphilis.

9. I made a recipe from Pinterest the other day for dinner and it turned out to be inedible. J ended up having a sandwich for dinner. I did, however, make a successful lunch- and learned that you could pretty much wrap a shoe in crescent rolls and it would taste good.

10. I have to yell at people at work tomorrow. Well not really "yell" at them, but more like scold them. I'm so non-confrontational that my manager is sitting in on the meetings to make sure I don't go soft. bleh.

Happy Tuesday!

I cried last night.

Somehow I ran across this video last night: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

Warning: It's sad. You will ugly cry. You've been warned. Just sayin.

And I did the ugly cry about having a baby for the first time in a looooong time. I'm getting more and more anxious about getting back to baby making. I wish I could start now. I hate waiting.

Imaginary Insurance Coverage

J got a new job- YEAH! This means a bigger paycheck for us, which is never a bad thing. Ever since I have known that this was coming, I've been DYING to get my paws on the insurance card. Dying to call about the coverage. And a little bit-in my head- I had already decided that we were going to go from being 100% out of pocket for all our IVF expenses, to 100% covered and in the clear. I was doing a mental happy dance about it already.

I finally got the ID and group number- called to the customer service number- and then they told me there is no coverage for infertility or ART procedures. :::insert sound of balloon deflation here:::

So I know I shouldn't be THAT disappointed. But my imaginary infertility coverage was awesome. And now it's gone again. And we're back to saving every penny so we can try to have a baby.

No Maine

My trip was cancelled! Yahoo!!

So I'm not in Maine. And couldn't be happier about that.

Maine

I've always wanted to travel for work. Secretly I always wanted to build up airline miles and hotel points and use them for my own personal gain. Plus when I was younger, it always sounded so fancy. "I'm traveling for work this week." How grown up, right?

And now I'm traveling for work and I have no desire. I love my bed and I can't sleep well without my husband. Lame, right? It looks like I'm headed to Machias, ME for two weeks. Yes- Machias, Maine is a real place. Population 2,500. There are more moose than men in Machias. So just about the only thing in Machias is the call center that I'm going to visit and a bunch of lobsters. I'm pretty sure that the place that we are staying is much closer to Canada than it is to Machias.

Here is my list of reasons that I'm not happy about going to Machias:
1. I'm going to Maine with two co-workers. One is at least 70 and one is 26. Quite the trio, aren't we? My 70 year old co-worker is most upset that there is no Walmart in Machias. Please god let us have more than one rental car.

2. I'm not quite sure that I'll have cell phone service in Machias. Sadface. How will I talk to JC?

3. Internet access = questionable. I mean people in Machias have to use the internet, right?!?! Off the grid for two weeks? I legit need the internet for work so this could really suck.

4. Husband-less for two weeks. I hate that part the most.

5. Too many unknowns. I'm a planner. I need to have a plan. Can I do laundry in Machias? Can I call people? What do I need to wear to this place? What is the schedule like? No plans sucks.

6. It's already freezing in Machias.

But on the bright side- I can get a lobster for like $3 in Machias, I'll probably get to see a Moose up close, and go to Canada. Hopefully there are good magnets too.

It's D Day.

Dentist Day.

So I had my first full blown all out panic attack today. At the CONSULTATION- no work actually done to my teeth. Like the kind when you can't take a full breath and I felt so hot that I thought I may pass out. And I was doing the ugly cry. It was a stellar performance. J was checking me in at the dentist while the dentist himself was trying to calm me the fvck down. Seriously- this isn't normal. Not even a little bit. Once I got in the chair I was ok, thankfully.

The good news- I survived the consultation.
The bad news- I need 2 root canals. FML.

There will be sedation involved. I'm already armed with happy pills for the night before. I don't want to remember even one second of it. I go back on next Wednesday. NO FUN.

P to the S- J was Super Husband today. He offered to hold my hand the whole time and didn't even laugh at me while I was busy making a complete and total ass of myself. He is amazing.

I was up at 4am

And clearly finishing every single blog entry I had saved as a draft. I have one left, but I had to leave for work. I was having dreams of my teeth falling out mixed with dreams of screaming at my manager. All miserable. I've been a blogging slacker and hopefully will get better.

I did finally make an appointment at the dentist. I'm going next week. The panic is slowly increasing.

On Days Like Today...

I need a new job. My day started out with an 8:15am scolding from my manager. When will she ever learn that people are not perfect. Mistakes happen. No one will die because someone makes a mistake at my job. I will never understand why some people (like my manager) are hateful just for the sake of being hateful. What does that get you? Everyone ends up miserable.

On one hand, she is DESPERATE to be my friend and on the other she scolds me like I'm a child. If I left my job and was asked what made me leave- it would be her. And 100% no other reason.

Yard Sale: FAIL.

We finally had our yard sale today. It had been rescheduled three times because of rain. Just in case you are wondering- Labor Day Weekend is not a good time for a yard sale.

The last time we had a yard sale- people were standing outside our house waiting for me to bring the stuff outside. It was total chaos. There were so many people there you couldn't keep track of all of them. This time- it was like tumbleweed rolling through the yard. We probably made about $100 and sold about one sixth of the stuff we had put out for sale. Most of the stuff was from my mom's house that we had brought in hopes that we could make some cash, but no dice. It was all carted off to Goodwill.

Yard Sale = Epic Fail.

Cooking Class

On our quest to get out and do some new and different activities- Friday night we went to a cooking class. We went to Cookology and it was "Southern Cuisine" night. We all wore chef hats and aprons. J's hat didn't fit which made for lots of good jokes.

I'm sad that my phone was dead and I didn't take any pictures. But we made breaded pork chops with an heirloom tomato gravy. They were served with some insanely rich garlic mashed potatoes and green beans. I have to admit that never have I ever had so much butter in one meal in my whole life. So good, but so bad for you. We topped it off with easy to make apple tarts. Those we plan on making at home. I was still full the next morning.

It's so nice to be able to spend time with J now. We have the time and ability to share each other's company and do these new things together and I'm loving that right now.

Hello September!

September is here! Bye Bye Summer! Time is moving quickly. Not so sure if that is good or bad, really.

September is Thyroid Cancer Awareness Month!!

So what does that mean, hmmm?? It means you should take a few minutes and learn about your thyroid. Next time you go for a physical- ask your doctor to feel your neck. They can sometimes feel any abnormal lumps or bumps on your thyroid just through a short painless physical exam of your neck. If you have a known thyroid condition- GO TO AN ENDOCRINOLOGIST. DO NOT have it monitored by a family doctor, OB/GYN, or any other doctor. You need to see a specialist!!

When you see someone with a scar on their throat or neck- do them a favor- Quit staring at it. They already know it's there.

You can learn more about Thyroid Cancer Awareness by going here: http://www.thyca.org/.

Irrational Fears

Mine is the Dentist.

I chipped a tooth this weekend. I have now had exactly two panic attacks thinking about going to the dentist to get it fixed. I've contemplated what the worst case scenario would be if I just didn't go and left it there broken. It's in the back and you can't see it. So that makes it ok, right?

I had a terrible dentist as a child and I have been told several times that I have genetically bad teeth- prone to cavities and the like. Awesome right? Get in line with my Cancer and Infertility problems, Bad Teeth. Oh and the arthritis too. Let's not forget that. Anyway- my childhood dentist scared me for life and I have been wrecked ever since. I have spent the last hour googling "Sedation Dentistry" in hopes that it will help ease my fears and fix my jacked tooth.

Date Night: A Review

Last week, I got asked out on a date. By my husband. It was pretty cute. He even told me I should dress up. I lurve him.

He took me to Bazins on Church. They had a tasting menu so we decided to do that- all three courses. I think I'm still full. We drank wine and ate our food. We talked about what was going on at work. J is job interviewing (he's always interviewing) and had been to two separate ones yesterday. We talked about his career goals. We talked about long term goals. We talked about how we want to plan for the future.

What we didn't talk about: Babies, IVF, Sperm, Cancer. It was GLORIOUS. I would be lying if I said that I'm not enjoying this break. I'm enjoying being a non-TTC married girl. I'm sure as I get closer to treatment, that will change. But for now, I'm basking in the status quo.

Earthquake??

Um, WTF?!? So this afternoon there was an earthquake. Like a for real earthquake. 5.9 earthquake to be exact. I can't lie- living and working close to the Nations Capitol- the first thing I thought of was Terrorist Attack. I mean I've lived her for-ev-er and never experienced an earthquake. It was pretty scary. The best part of an afternoon earthquake is getting to leave work early.

Crafting Update!

I made coasters!! Pretty exciting, huh? Pinterest has inspired me to be crafty. I have to admit- I am NOT crafty. So all this crafting, knitting business is pretty strange territory for me. Coasters was a good start. I've developed a deep love of Modge Podge and can't wait to see what else I can do with it. Here is how they turned out.

Step 1: Procure scrapbook paper, measure and cut into 4x4 squares
Step 2: Modge Podge squares to 4x4 tiles
Step 3: After drying overnight- spray with clear acrylic
Step 4: Line back with felt

Blogger Woes

I am a blog whore. I read about a billion blogs. Ok- probably not a billion, but quite a few. And lately- Blogger has been not letting me comment on my favorite blogs.

So I just wanted to give a shout out to one of my favorite bloggers- Kelly- I'm sending you eleventy billion ehugs. I hope you are well and I think of you often- even when I can't comment. xoxo