Tentative Plans

I went from having an amazing IVF nurse to have an amazing nurse at the new endo. VERY lucky.

My friend D hooked me up with a woman, Cyndi, at the new Endo's office. She has taken care of everything and now there is a plan!

I have an appointment with Dr. W (new endo who only take cancer patients) and the surgeon Dr. C on April 4th. (5 weeks earlier than they told me I could get in...awesomesauce) I have to have another ultrasound to make sure that the lymph nodes around my thyroid are all normal and don't need to come out as well.

I have a tentative surgery date of April 8th. In theory that means that this could all be over by the end of June! Not terrible. More waiting, but not terrible.

The #1 Reason I am still Sane

My e-Friends.

I'm an active poster on the message boards on TheBump.com. When my IRL friend MH introduced me to them, I thought the people were nuts. They spoke a whole other language and were meanys. And now I speak the language and flame the newbies. Along the way I've met some of the most amazing women. They started out just being internet friends- don't share too much- keep them on the internet. And now the place that I talk to them the least is the boards. They aren't really my e-Friends anymore. They are great friends. While everyone else around me this week has unknowingly forced me to manage how THEY feel about me having cancer, these friends have silently supported me. They have been patient yet concerned. I've been lurking on the boards and found the other day that in each one of their posts are these pictures:

Unreal. I could never replace them. Girls- you know who you are. Thank you. Thank you for being so supportive of me. It's the #1 Reason I am still sane.

Telling Others

I refuse to answer my phone today. What is even more exhausting than finding out you have cancer? Telling other people you have cancer. Because you get this:

The "Holy Shit you just said Cancer now what do I say" Blank Stare. And you even get that over the phone. It's more like an awkward silence, but the same idea. So I'm done for a while. No more telling. It's too exhausting.

Now I REALLY hate my endo.

I broke up with him this morning.

I went in for my follow up. I waited in the office for an hour before being seen. Now I understand that as far as cancers go- the kind I have isn't a deal breaker. I'm not going to die from the kind of cancer that I have. But it's still a scary thing. It's still overwhelming. So after my hour long wait, he spent a whopping 6 minutes with me. I tried to explain that my friend D had recommended a surgeon that I would like to go to. I was promptly scolded for "shopping for a doctor". He told me that he would ONLY refer me to the surgeon of his choice (about 90 minutes away from my house). He threw some pamphlets about cancer my way and told me not to come back until after I have surgery.

Don't come back? Check. Done.

Oh and I forgot...

I *do* have a kidney stone. I guess I got so concerned with my thyroid cancer (WTF??) that I forgot that I spent Monday afternoon in the ER hooked up to some IV dilaudid. And that shiz is NO JOKE.

I was sent home with a prescription for vicoden and instructions to drink gallons of water. I've been distracted from doing this because of all the cancer stuff.

Guess I need to work on that.

Good Resources

I'm sad to say that I have an excellent resource on Thyroid Cancer. A good friend of my husband's who I have adopted as my friend- D - went through treatment for Follicular Thyroid Cancer (an even scarier kind than what I have...) about 2 years ago. She's now cancer free (yeah!).

She has quickly turned into my best resource. She came over today with cupcakes and phone numbers for a good surgeon and an endocrinologist. She called her nurse and she was willing to expedite everything for me. I want to get things figured out. I hate not knowing what is going on or what I'm supposed to do.

D is the greatest resource I have right now. I am sad that we now share this experience, but I am so thankful to have her.

I have cancer.

The biopsy came back positive. I have papillary carcinoma of the thyroid. Cancer.

I have to have my thyroid removed, but beyond that- I'm not quite sure yet.

I have to call my IVF nurse and tell her that we have to put treatment on hold indefinitely. I don't want to call her. I don't want this to be real.

Who have I wronged?

I think I have a kidney stone. I've had 9 in the past so I'm pretty familiar with the feeling involved. Please dear god don't let me have a kidney stone. I can not handle anything else right now.