The ride up the giant IVF hill has begun. I talked to my IVF nurse today for the first time since I found out that I had cancer. She was just as nice as she was when we were first cycling. She wanted to know how I was feeling and how J was doing. She was so happy to hear that I am now cancer free. She's excited to hear that we are cycling again. It was nice to hear someone be optimistic.
J goes next week for another semen analysis. The first since surgery. Let the anxiety begin.
About a year ago I made THIS post. And here I am another year in and still in the same place. Nothing to show for it. My level of anxiety about the future of our family (or lack there of???) is on the rise. I'm terrified of IVF and what will happen if it doesn't work. I'm terrified of all the decisions we'll have to make. I'm afraid of having testing done after what they found the last time. It's all so overwhelming. And even though we're months away from actually starting- the time will go quickly and then I'll have to face it. I'll have to face the possibility of things not going well.
I never thought I would have gone through all of this. You know when you go up the big hill on a roller coaster and you can hear that click click click all the way up the hill? I hate that part. And it seems like it takes so long to get up that hill for such a short ride. That is what this feels like- the hill is HUGE and the ride to the top is so long. It's been a whole year of click click click all the way up to the top. What happens when I get to the top? Will I like the ride? Will it make me sick? And then how does it end?
Too many questions. So much unknown. It's terrifying. But I have no choice, right?