Here we go again.

CD 1.

J goes to the Urologist on Tuesday. If he says no to the Clo- we're cycling again. If he says yes- we wait. Again. Either way I'll go for baseline just in case. Blahhhh. Stupid roller coaster is out of the station.

WTF Update

He said that he was really happy that we made it to fertilization. He said it looked good for three days and then it arrested.  He did say that there was even a chance for people who have good egg and good sperm that the same thing happens to the embryo. So that being said- there is always a chance that things will work the next time. He thinks that traditional IVF is kind of useless for us since he's almost positive that there would be extra eggs that wouldn't be able to be fertilized. He thinks we should try Natural Cycle two more times before moving on. We are going to talk to the Urologist again about using Clomid again to try to improve count. J has an appointment next week on the 18th. 

We did talk about Donor Sperm. Last night before the appointment, J basically told me that it's his brother or nothing and he's not sure what he thinks about adoption. I spent the whole night (not really even an exaggeration) crying- I feel like he's really limiting our options and it's just really sad. So we talked about using his brother's sperm- they will use a known donor, but there would have to be psychological testing, legal paperwork, and then a 6 month waiting period to use the sperm. He did say we could do a split cycle- and use the donor as a back up. If we did that- we would do traditional IVF. 

So no idea what we're going to do. I expect to get my period maybe this weekend? If John goes to the Uro and he says yes- try the Clo and see what happens- that will be at least 60 days. So puts us to December? We're traveling in November so the timing would be sketchy for that. If he says no to the Clo- then we'll cycle again this coming month. 

If we have to move to donor sperm- we may be at an impass. Here is where the question comes in. I just don't know if I can use his brother's sperm. I mean there is the ick factor and the general creepiness of it, but aside from that- there are SO many reasons I can think of why this isn't a good idea. So blogging friends in the universe- riddle me this- What if it were your only shot at being a parent? Would that change your opinion? Would you explain it to the child (when appropriate)? How would you explain it? Would you tell the rest of your family? 

I really like my doctor.

Dr. G called me personally today to tell me how sorry he was that things didn't turn out differently for us. He said he was glad we even made it to fertilization and he's really hoping we'll come talk about our options.

I told him that I had already scheduled an appointment with him for this coming week and we have lots of questions lined up for him. Out WTF appointment is scheduled for this Wednesday. I'm thankful that we could get in quickly and try to figure out what to do next.

But really I'm appreciative and thankful that the doctor took the time to call me personally. I never would have gotten a call like that from my previous clinic. So I'm happy we switched and I'm looking forward to our appointment. More on my questions for the doc to come.

Fake Parent

Today I was a fake parent. J and I took my 7 year old niece and 3 year old nephew to an amusement park for the day. J's company reserves the park for employee appreciation each year so we took the kids.

So my nephew is enjoying the rides and waving at me. I'm taking pictures to send to my brother in law. And a lady next to me says "Your son looks just like your husband!" Ugh. And then I had to correct her and tell her it was my nephew.

And that happened on every.single.freakin.ride. Shoot me in the face. It was just a little fresh to keep hearing that over and over again. Of course all it made me think about what was if this is it for me? What if I'm just an Aunt?

I'm just not sure that Fake Parenting will be enough for me.