Saturday, April 13, 2013

Yeah. Starting Again.

Can't you sense the excitement? I have been neglecting the blog. But it's just cause I've been doing nothing. Well not nothing- I turned 35. We hit the three year mark of trying to have a baby. A good friend who just got married in October is having a baby. Yeah. 

We're starting IVF again. I did my first injection this morning. My heart isn't in it this time. I guess I just have so little hope that it will really work that I just can't get into it. I can't seem to care about this. I go for monitoring on Tuesday. I'm just hoping that if I can see that there's been some growth, then maybe I'll get into it. Maybe? 

We've registered for an adoption seminar in mid-May. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that yet either. 

I'm left with sad thoughts of what happens if J and I end up alone. We would have a great life- I'm sure we would. I just don't want to always be sad about this- always feel like something is missing, wish we had tried again just one more time. I guess being in the middle of all of this still leaves all these feelings unresolved. And that part sucks.