I'm tired of hospitals.

So more surgery in our house. Except not for me this time. Since we didn't have anything else going on recently (insert sarcasm here), JC decided this would be the best time for him to have surgery. So he is going to have RNY Gastric Bypass Surgery- weight loss surgery. The same kind that I had almost four years ago now. JC has pretty bad gastric reflux disease and 2 years ago they found pre-cancerous cells in his esophagus. He also has a hiatal hernia. So the combination makes for not a good situation. The surgery will essentially cure the reflux disease by removing the part of his stomach that produces most of the acid. The hernia will be repaired in surgery and his weight loss will ensure that it will not happen again. It will be a bit of a long road- he'll be on a liquid diet all next week (and probably be a super crank-ass) and again for the week after surgery. The following 8 weeks will be a "mushy" food phase where all 4 tablespoons of what he eats will be similar to the consistency of applesauce. THEN he'll go back to solids, but still considerably less. I would expect him to drop about 100lbs. by the end of the year. It will be a big change and a hard road, but in the long run- great for his health.

Is it wrong that I'm already thinking about the potential changes to his testosterone levels? I mean I guess it's possible that he'll drop a ton of weight and his hormone levels will normalize and then we won't need IVF in a year??? Dangerous thoughts for me. Anything is possble, though, right?

What would have been....

So today would have been my estimated egg retrival had we gone through IVF. ::le sigh::

Emotionally I've been doing ok. And then I figured out that it would have been today and I got a little sad. In my head, I know that waiting a year isn't a deal breaker. But in my heart it feels like there is just no end in sight to all of this.

The hardest part is that I'm afraid I will spend the next year watching everyone else move forward and I'll still be left behind. Still with no baby.

I just don't want to spend the next year sad. It will just be too much.

I'm Out. Yikes.

Katie from 3T inspired me to support National Infertility Awareness Week this week. She came up with these very good status updates that she is using on Facebook all week and I just posted the first one. Ok, so I'll admit that I edited it a bit so it's a tiny bit less personal, but same idea.

I'm nervous about the reaction. And not sure if I'll post anymore. I guess I could always just say I'm supporting a friend? But on the other hand- I feel like such a wuss doing that. I should be able to just own this and admit that we are having trouble. I always hate on people who can't own it. So I should. I should own it and stand up for people who are afraid to.

Yikes. Can I still delete my status update?