Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving!

I survived my first Thanksgiving with my in-laws. Cocktails might have helped. As chaotic as the day was, and as tired as I am now- I have to remember how blessed I am today and how much I have to be thankful for.

To name just a few- My JC, family, friends, my job, my health, my Bump Friends- so so blessed to have all of this in my life.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Let the Christmas Music begin!!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Super PISSED!


If you don't know already- I have become an active poster on The Bump's Trying to Get Pregnant (TTGP) message board. I think I would consider myself a regular there now that I've been posting for about 8 months. There is a terrible website called TTGP Post Secret. It's caused a lot of drama on the board. At first- I kind of liked reading them. You get to know who is calling out who, who is liked, who is secretly hated...gossipy kind of stuff.
My most recent visit to the website showed me the secret posted above and now I am SO pissed. I am SO tempted to wish terrible, horrible things on who ever wrote this. But after going through IF, I would never wish that on anyone. So if you posted this to that TERRIBLE website- YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE. Karma is a bitch.

Still Bleh

Yesterday was crap. JC and I ended up arguing about all kinds of stupid crap. We went to bed not speaking to each other. And that's when the crying started. Not him, me. We ended up resolving things between us, but it lead us to a conversation about CD 1. Of course I was upset about it. Logically speaking- I shouldn't be. I know the odds are not in our favor to get pregnant without assistance. I know that it would pretty much be a medical miracle. I guess it's just a reminder of that each month. It just reminds me of the uncertainty of going through IVF and what happens if it doesn't work. It makes me nervous that JC and I will have to face not being able to have kids. I'm not sure what that means for us. I'm not sure if it means the same thing for him as it does for me. And I'm not sure what we would do about resolving those differences. That's a lot of uncertainty. And I'm a worry wart as it is. So that is never good.

I hate MFI. I wish that there was something wrong with me. I feel even more guilty for being upset about our infertility struggles because I think it makes JC feel terrible to see me upset. And I wish I could not be upset about it, but some days it just gets to me. Stupid Fvcking IF. I hate you. Bleh.

Ok. I feel better now. :)

Monday, November 22, 2010

Bleh

Every time I get my period it makes me remember how broken I feel sometimes. It makes me remember how scared I am that we'll never have children. It makes me feel bitter about all the people who take their pregnancy's for granted or neglect their children.

I wish I could be a glass half full kind of a girl. I'm a terrible worry-wart. And that just make all this worse.

A little while back I heard a quote that I taped to my computer screen today. I needed a little reminder.

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is to try just one more time." - Thomas Edison