Still Bleh

Yesterday was crap. JC and I ended up arguing about all kinds of stupid crap. We went to bed not speaking to each other. And that's when the crying started. Not him, me. We ended up resolving things between us, but it lead us to a conversation about CD 1. Of course I was upset about it. Logically speaking- I shouldn't be. I know the odds are not in our favor to get pregnant without assistance. I know that it would pretty much be a medical miracle. I guess it's just a reminder of that each month. It just reminds me of the uncertainty of going through IVF and what happens if it doesn't work. It makes me nervous that JC and I will have to face not being able to have kids. I'm not sure what that means for us. I'm not sure if it means the same thing for him as it does for me. And I'm not sure what we would do about resolving those differences. That's a lot of uncertainty. And I'm a worry wart as it is. So that is never good.

I hate MFI. I wish that there was something wrong with me. I feel even more guilty for being upset about our infertility struggles because I think it makes JC feel terrible to see me upset. And I wish I could not be upset about it, but some days it just gets to me. Stupid Fvcking IF. I hate you. Bleh.

Ok. I feel better now. :)