Wednesday, September 12, 2012

WTF Update

He said that he was really happy that we made it to fertilization. He said it looked good for three days and then it arrested. :'( He did say that there was even a chance for people who have good egg and good sperm that the same thing happens to the embryo. So that being said- there is always a chance that things will work the next time. He thinks that traditional IVF is kind of useless for us since he's almost positive that there would be extra eggs that wouldn't be able to be fertilized. He thinks we should try Natural Cycle two more times before moving on. We are going to talk to the Urologist again about using Clomid again to try to improve count. J has an appointment next week on the 18th. 

We did talk about Donor Sperm. Last night before the appointment, J basically told me that it's his brother or nothing and he's not sure what he thinks about adoption. I spent the whole night (not really even an exaggeration) crying- I feel like he's really limiting our options and it's just really sad. So we talked about using his brother's sperm- they will use a known donor, but there would have to be psychological testing, legal paperwork, and then a 6 month waiting period to use the sperm. He did say we could do a split cycle- and use the donor as a back up. If we did that- we would do traditional IVF. 

So no idea what we're going to do. I expect to get my period maybe this weekend? If John goes to the Uro and he says yes- try the Clo and see what happens- that will be at least 60 days. So puts us to December? We're traveling in November so the timing would be sketchy for that. If he says no to the Clo- then we'll cycle again this coming month. 

If we have to move to donor sperm- we may be at an impass. Here is where the question comes in. I just don't know if I can use his brother's sperm. I mean there is the ick factor and the general creepiness of it, but aside from that- there are SO many reasons I can think of why this isn't a good idea. So blogging friends in the universe- riddle me this- What if it were your only shot at being a parent? Would that change your opinion? Would you explain it to the child (when appropriate)? How would you explain it? Would you tell the rest of your family? 


  1. That is a really hard place to be in.

    Honestly, I wouldn't be able to do it. I would need an anonymous donor or choose adoption.

    If it were done, no, I would not explain it to the child(ren). I was adopted by family and it caused so many issues about who's kid I really was and what it meant and how I acknowledged them and who was the "real" one that I have a pretty strong opinions on the topic.

    If you chose to use his brother, however, and wanted it NEVER spoken of again, would you be able to trust that he could do that? And his wife/partner? Even with a confidentiality clause there is still a lot at stake there (this would be a big deal for them as a couple and their children - if they knew or not) And I'm sure that as a couple/family/wife/child they would need to talk about it with people in an effort to deal with it. The reality is so much different than the idea.

    Please keep up posting on your path. Wishing only the best for you!

  2. I have no idea whatsoever what I would do. I hate my husband's brother, so it would be a no-go for me. I say that jokingly and also seriously. Ick factor and because I just can't stand him at all. I just have no idea. I'm sending you love, always.

    1. At my first RE appt, donor eggs were brought up by him. My husband and I discussed it only briefly, and I mentioned asking my sister (age 25 at the time) for her eggs.

      We never got there, and I don't know how she, or her then fiance, now husband, would have felt about it, but I think I would have been ok with it.

  3. Many prayers to you and your husband as you make this decision.

    I think if it were me, I would only feel comfortable using an anonymous donor. But I don't know the relationship of J and his brother - maybe they have the sort of relationship where it could work.

    I hope you both can find peace in the decision you make.

  4. I know this may sound crazy, but is there a way that they can mix J's sperm and his brother's so that you'll never know whose sperm fertilized the egg? I would feel like at least I would know there was always a chance it was J's and I'd take that and run with it forever.

    I hope this gets easier for you soon. Hugs.

  5. Jeff and I had a discussion once about donor sperm and adoption and we agreed if it cannot be a genetic mix of each of us specifically, then we'd live child free. It's not everyone's choice, but it's ours. It was oddly reassuring when we agreed because it put an end and time frame into this mess. And somehow knowing it wouldn't be an open-ended "what if" question and additional years of possible heartbreak made me calm. Good luck with your decision whatever it is.