J and I had dinner with his brother and his brother's wife Saturday night. It was quite possibly one of the most embarrassing nights of my life.
Let me preface this with a little story... A little while back- J and I had a TOTALLY HYPOTHETICAL conversation about donor sperm. I asked him how he would feel about using a donor if we had to go in that direction. Without even 5 SECONDS of thought- he said to me "Easy- I'll ask my brother." :::blank stare::: Um, no thank you. I understand his reasoning- then our child would still have his family's gene's. But HOLY FREAKIN CREEPY. I told him that would really be something I'm not sure I could do. I just wasn't sure I would ever be able to get beyond the fact that it would be his brother's baby. Obviously- being that the conversation was TOTALLY HYPOTHETICAL- it was my first gut reaction.
So now you may realize where I'm going with this. So J decided after a little over a bottle of wine, that he should ask his brother (and his brother's wife, mind you) to be a donor for us. Without consulting me. While he was drunk. Over dinner. Enter the most awkward moment ever. J asking for sperm, my brother in law and his wife now making the :::blank stare::: face. I tried my hardest not to cry (I'm a little sensitive these days, I guess) and just tried to change the subject. Until he proceeded to tell them that we'd already talked about it and that I thought it was creepy.
Mortified doesn't even really come close to describing how I felt. Or how I still feel. I woke up the next morning to an email from my brother in law agreeing to donate sperm to us. Ugh. Unreal. I told J that I was upset and he laughed it off. We spent Sunday barely speaking. Today was much of the same. Tonight I finally had to tell him how upset I was. He told me he was sorry and then while I lay in bed crying, he rolled over and went to sleep.
Maybe it's just because I'm in kind of a bad place right now, but I have never felt so abandoned by him as I did tonight. Or discounted. Like my feelings didn't matter to him at all. And it's the saddest thing ever. I feel like I'm so fragile right now. And had you asked me last week, I would have told you that he was the only thing able to hold me together. This week? Can I say the same thing? I'm just not quite sure.
Oh Kathy! I can't say how sorry I am that J is being so insensitive about the donor situation and to where you're at in general! I hope he realizes how much this bothers you and apologizes. I still remember when we had the donor sperm talk and my husband told me he'd ask his adoptive father to be our donor, if we were to need to use a donor...Creepy wasn't even going to begin to describe how I felt about that.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, love. About all of it. That you even have to have these conversations. That he said what he said. That he brushed it off. Ugh. ((super mega hugs))
ReplyDeleteSaying I'm sorry isn't strong enough. I wish I could take some of this off of your back. Love you, Kathy.
ReplyDeleteOh, Kathy. I wish all of this away for you.
ReplyDeleteOh Kathy, I'm so sorry about all of this. I wish I could make things better I wish I had advice I could give you. I'm sorry that J acted like he did, I hope that you guys can get through this with eachother.
ReplyDeleteKathy I am so sorry that this came up, awkwardly at dinner, none the less. I cant imagine what it is like to be in that situation and then have him disregard your feelings. I don't have siblings but maybe he felt it was no big deal to ask his brother for something like that. There aren't enough hugs and cuddles in the world for me to send you. I hope you are able to talk it through with him and find a place you are both comfortable with. Oh honey this is so not fair and I am so sorry! xoxoxoxo
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