Monday, April 4, 2011

Where's my Chance?

So a little update.

I met with the surgeon and a new endocrinologist that specializes in Endocrine Oncology at Washington Hospital Center. The good news- surgery is scheduled for Friday, April 8th. The surgeon was kind enough to explain all the risks including potentially losing my voice for a while or not being able to yell ever again. All in all, not bad. I'll be in the hospital overnight and out of work the entire following week. The not so great news- new endo (who I really like, ps) thinks that I will need to have radiation iodine treatment. That current assumption is based on the size of the nodules and the fact that there are more than one. The final decision about whether or not I'll actually need to have that done is based on the pathology reports after surgery. The shitty news- radiation iodine treatment means IVF is off the table for a year after it is completed.

I feel like when you go through infertility- it takes away all the good parts of trying to have a baby. It becomes a job or a chore. It becomes this huge source of stress instead of this amazing thing you and your husband share. You put your body and your relationship and your finances through this huge thing and at the end of it- all you really get is a chance. And now it seems like the chance has been taken away too. I was already really having trouble dealing with the stress of IVF and all it brings with it, but now knowing that I'll have to sit back and wait is very hard and very sad. I don't want to spend the next year being sad every time someone I know has a baby or get pregnant. I don't want that to be my first reaction. And I'm not sure how to stop that quite yet.

So for now, I guess I just have to somehow try to see the good in this. I will be fine and I will survive having cancer. For now I just have to hope I'll get my chance one day.

And if you read all that- you get this:

5 comments:

  1. Good gravy! It's enough for you already! I'm really hoping you don't have to get that treatment so that you can continue on with IVF. Good luck Friday, I will be thinking of you!

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  2. Rooting for you as always, sweetie. You're stronger than you realize. WHEN you're pregnant, you and your husband will have plenty of opportunities to revel in it. Wishing all the best for you.

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  3. Sheesh, Kathy. ((biiiig hugs)) I'm pulling for you on the other side of the state. Lots of good vibes for Friday coming your way!

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  4. One step at a time, love. Get that nasty thyroid out of there and then I'll join you in hoping for the best possible outcome. ((hugs))

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  5. I hope everything goes great on Friday and that you don't need the treatment. You are in my thoughts, and I hope you pull through all of this quickly so that you can put it behind you. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this!

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