Admitting Defeat?

Maybe it's just being proactive? Yes. Let's call it that.

Did a lot of thinking this weekend. And well I had yet another melt down. I had full intentions of attending the 3rd birthday party of a friend of mine from college's son. And I just couldn't make myself go. I had a panic attack about 30 minutes before we were supposed to leave and ended up crying in my bed. J seriously has no idea what to do with me when this happens. And I think it's really starting to freak him out too. On top of that- I think my most recent string of unhappiness comes from more than just all this infertility business.

I'm pretty unhappy with my weight lately. My eating habits have gone right into the shitter. So that is the first change. I need to get moving and I need to start changing the way I eat. Pronto. I've been making 1000 excuses in my head about why I haven't started doing this, but now there is no excuse anymore. I need to get my act together.

I've decided to try therapy. My anxiety is getting worse and worse. And I'm MONTHS away from treatment. I think that rather than let myself spiral away, that I should try to be a bit proactive and learn to manage things as we go. I'm going to call two people from my insurance website and see where I get with that. Ugh.