Monday, February 20, 2012

Cancer AGAIN?!? WTF?

Ok first of all- No- I don't have cancer again. I just thought for like 4 hours that I did. And let me tell you. That was THE LONGEST 4 HOURS EVER. I had a follow up with my endocrinologist this week. It was a totally anxiety free event for me- I'll go, he'll feel my neck, take some blood, and I'll be on my merry way.

So onto the neck feeling part. Usually he gives me a cup of water and I swallow and he feels. (Dirty, huh? ha ha) and normally he says "I can't feel anything. Everything feels normal.". Except this visit. At this visit he said "I think I feel something enlarged."

Just sayin, but ENLARGED is like the worst word ever to hear from the person who diagnosed you with cancer. :::cue panic:::

Per my normal process, as soon as he said the word ENLARGED, I went to the worst possible place. In my head I was having surgery again and we would never have a baby. In reality, he sent me to radiology for an ultrasound of my neck. I was fit into the schedule which meant nothing but lots of waiting and time spent thinking about my upcoming fake surgery and my lack of offspring. So while I sat stewing in a total panic, it turned out that it was all for nothing.

I do have a enlarged lymph node in my neck, but it's not big enough to be scary and you can have enlarged lymph nodes for about a billion reasons. :::deep deep breaths:::

Cancer seriously fucking sucks.


  1. :( I'm so sorry he made you panic with the word enlarged. I can only imagine the feeling, but I had similar fears with each thyroid biopsy. It can be all consuming, if only for a few hours. So glad it's nothing.

  2. I hope you never have to hear the word "enlarged" again unless it is in reference to a beautiful baby bump ;)

  3. My heart skipped a beat when I read the title of your post. Oh my goodness. I'm so glad that everything is ok!

  4. I am so glad to hear this friend. Definitely made me nervous! Glad you are ok!!! xoxo