Monday, August 23, 2010

Break Down or Break Through?

What a busy weekend. Lots of time spent getting the house ready to sell. Painting and organizing. We're having a big yard sale this coming weekend so hopefully it will make us some cash in the process.

So Friday was supposed to be JC's 2nd SA. Except it wasn't. Apparently the clinical environment of the clinic didn't so much lead to the romantic setting needed to get the job done. He called me at work and yelled at me about how he couldn't do it. I was upset because he yelled at me. He was upset about the whole thing. We went to dinner that night and barely spoke to each other. He finally broke the silence and I told him that if I yelled at him every time I was pissed off about something that he wouldn't like it either. This isn't my fault and we need to learn how to deal with things like this in a better way. We spent dinner talking about how he is really feeling physically bad lately. Mood swings, fatigue- his weight is becoming more of an issue which is making his heartburn worse and more frequent. All things that I'm really concerned about (back to the chicken and egg post...).

Saturday night we went out with some friend and he had a few drinks (maybe more than a few). We got home and he let it all out- he's so sad about all of this. He feels broken. He feels like he has let me down. It was heart breaking to hear him talk about it. But at least he talked about it. I wish he would talk about it more. Maybe it might be easier for him.

I feel like I can't wait until January. I can't wait and just let him keep feeling worse and worse. It's not fair. So I'm going to ask my mom for help. Even just with the OOP meds and diagnostics. If she can loan us the money for that, then maybe we can start earlier and hopefully get my old husband back.

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