Eight is my new favorite number.

I haven't posted much about this IVF cycle. Well haven't posted anything about it. I feel like I talked SO much about the last cycle that it made it so consuming. Then having it fail, learning of my DOR diagnosis, and   having to tell EVERYONE that we talked with about it that it didn't work made me go into the closet with this one. My interwebz friends know what's going on as well as a very few select and wonderful people in real life. And that was enough for me this go around. I just didn't want to update everyone every single day and talk about it non stop. I think it would have made me batty.

So here's my update all in one post! We maxed out on stims from day 1. And lemme tell ya, that's a lot of drugs. LOTS. Thank goodness for insurance cause I probably blew through $8,000 in drugs this cycle. Yikes! Things started out slowly- but started improving relative to last cycle. My e2 levels were rising better, my follicle counts were higher, my attitude was better. We triggered Tuesday and had retrieval today.

8 eggs! Holy Shit! 8! I was hoping for anything over 4, but I was so relieved when the nurse told me 8. I'm in quite a bit more pain today than last time, but I'm taking my vicoden and rolling with it. I'm going to go into work tomorrow and just see how I feel. I should get the fert report tomorrow as well. At my last monitoring appointment on Tuesday they were all really close in size so I'm hoping that will lead to high numbers of mature eggs. J was also scheduled for a surgical extraction of sperm as a back up this morning and based on the SA from yesterday and the fact that we have frozen sperm as a back up- it was cancelled and we were told it wasn't necessary. So far- all good news. We're planning for a 3 day transfer on Sunday unless we hear otherwise.

Cross everything. Everything you have. I'm dangerously hopeful.

What a Craptastic Day

Went back for monitoring today. 4 follicles- largest at 12mm. Ugh. Was really hoping for more growth. Not really bigger follies, but more of them. 4? I mean really?

I talked to my nurse and she said she's concerned that there aren't so many follicles. Yeah- me too. They increased my dose of Gonal F to 375 and kept the Menopur at 225. Ganirelix starts when the follies are at 14mm, so I'll go back tomorrow morning to check for that.

I'm losing hope already. I know it's early, but seriously this blows. We've been trying to get to the point of starting IVF for SO long- it's felt like FOREVER. And in my head- It's always been the end game. Like if we can get to IVF, we'll be fine. And now we're not. I fucking hate infertility and all the mind fucks it delivers. Blah.

First Day of Monitoring

I wore my lucky Aloha socks to my appointment this morning that I got from a lovely, lovely lady on 3T. Love ya Denise!! The nurse asked me if I had ever been to Hawaii. I told her no, but I have this lovely group of internet friends and we exchange socks cause when you're in treatment, you spend a lot of time in stirrups. So you might as well have cute socks!

And we talked about this all while she wanded me with the dildo cam. Might as well chat it up while you're there, right?

 So no follicles over 10mm. She said that things look quiet in there, but that's "appropriate" for this point in the cycle. She said they'll look at my blood work and call me with instructions. So of course I missed the call from my nurse and all she said was that Dr. Khan (as in the Wrath of) wants to increase my dose of Gonal F to 300 and Menopur to 225. I wish she'd have told me my E2 level, but alas- I have no idea. So we did that tonight and tomorrow and I'll go back on Thursday. I'm hoping that Thursday will show some measurable growth. I hope she's right about it being appropriate. Internet friends say I'm right on track and that things look ok.

It's hard not to worry. The stress is starting to creep in. Worrying about follicle growth, shooting up meds the right way...ugh. This is not good for a worry wart like me.

Trigger!

Late last night- 12:45am- this is what was going on in my house.

<------First we drew up meds. On the left is the Novarel (hCG) or Trigger. On the right is the special sauce (my husband's name for it) that you mix with it. You can see our sheet of instructions in the background. Never have I ever mixed meds before so I think we were both a little nervous.

And then we broke out the needle. Whoa. That sucker was big. I'm very used to injections- I get one once a week for arthritis meds, but those are teeny tiny sub-q needles. This was a big fat intramuscular needle. Ouch. ----------->

<-----And there is my J with my trigger all ready to put that bad boy right in my butt. Ha ha ha. Well for real, though- it did go kind of in my butt- more like the lower hip/upper butt area. He did a great job. It didn't hurt hardly at all. We were right on time at 12:45.

I went in this morning to see if things were working out as they should and Dr. P (partner of Dr. G) who will do my retrieval this weekend says my follie is big and perfect. Everything is looking exactly as it should.

PHEW.

So tomorrow we go in at 9am. J will give his sample prior to retrieval to check for good sperm. If we're all clear there (please please please please) then retrieval will be at 10:45.

Somehow this all feels like the very first cycle. Like this is our first REAL chance at having a baby.

Zero to Sixty

That is how my life goes. Feast or Famine. All or nothing. Go big or go home. And 1000 other similar cliches. But alas....

Friday was a big day for me. My last day at work. It was awkward and sad and a huge relief. I'm glad to have it behind me and move forward.

I went for monitoring Friday morning and my lovely little follie was ready for trigger! I got the call Friday afternoon that I would trigger 12:45am. Egg retrieval is scheduled for Sunday September 2nd at 10:45am. EEEEEeeeeep!! Squeee! So then I started to panic. I've been so distracted by everything work related, that I'm not quite sure it had sunk in that we were *REALLY* going to do this.

I left work, got home, and promptly had a huge ridiculous melt down complete with ugly cry. Part of it was just how everything had been building up over the last two weeks, and part of it was that I have no control over this process now that we're this far in. All I can do is follow the directions of my doctor. And the control freak in my HATES that. All in all, I think I needed a good cry.

The No Update Update

Since Saturday- I've been for monitoring twice- Monday and today. Things are slow growing. So far I have two measurable follicles on the right- both at about 14mm. But that's about it. I go back again on Friday.

A little discouraging, but I have to remember that when I was charting (like 2 years ago?!? WTF?) I usually would ovulate around day 15. And today is day 11. So I still have a few days to go. Hopefully there is some growth on Friday.

On a good note- meds are scheduled to arrive tomorrow. PHEW.

Monitoring Begins

Happy Saturday!!!

Wanna see how I started my weekend?

The fabulous trans-vaginal ultrasound probe. Affectionately referred to by us gals in the infertility world as the DILDO CAM. Monitoring began this morning! Another thing I like about my new RE- Docs to the ultrasounds. Kind of nice, huh? Always gives you the chance to ask questions and just feels a whole lot more personal than just seeing a nurse.

So Dr. G took a look and says his prediction is that our rockstar will be on the right side. Today I had one lead follicle on the right at 13mm. And today is cycle day 7. So based on the blood work, I'll go back again Monday morning. My meds were ordered, but I haven't heard anything about when they may be delivered, so I'll have to ask them about that on Monday.

In other news- I quit my job last Monday. It was not fun. They were not happy. It made for a very miserable week. I just have to power through this week. I'm hoping to be distracted by the monitoring. Ironic, huh? I would have thought that work would have distracted me from IVF, but my life always seems upside down and backwards anyway.