Eight is my new favorite number.

I haven't posted much about this IVF cycle. Well haven't posted anything about it. I feel like I talked SO much about the last cycle that it made it so consuming. Then having it fail, learning of my DOR diagnosis, and   having to tell EVERYONE that we talked with about it that it didn't work made me go into the closet with this one. My interwebz friends know what's going on as well as a very few select and wonderful people in real life. And that was enough for me this go around. I just didn't want to update everyone every single day and talk about it non stop. I think it would have made me batty.

So here's my update all in one post! We maxed out on stims from day 1. And lemme tell ya, that's a lot of drugs. LOTS. Thank goodness for insurance cause I probably blew through $8,000 in drugs this cycle. Yikes! Things started out slowly- but started improving relative to last cycle. My e2 levels were rising better, my follicle counts were higher, my attitude was better. We triggered Tuesday and had retrieval today.

8 eggs! Holy Shit! 8! I was hoping for anything over 4, but I was so relieved when the nurse told me 8. I'm in quite a bit more pain today than last time, but I'm taking my vicoden and rolling with it. I'm going to go into work tomorrow and just see how I feel. I should get the fert report tomorrow as well. At my last monitoring appointment on Tuesday they were all really close in size so I'm hoping that will lead to high numbers of mature eggs. J was also scheduled for a surgical extraction of sperm as a back up this morning and based on the SA from yesterday and the fact that we have frozen sperm as a back up- it was cancelled and we were told it wasn't necessary. So far- all good news. We're planning for a 3 day transfer on Sunday unless we hear otherwise.

Cross everything. Everything you have. I'm dangerously hopeful.

Maybe a new plan?

J has always said he's not into adoption. He said he couldn't think about that until we had really run out of options to have biological children. When we were going through the whole donor sperm ordeal, I learned that he has a strong need to have biological children, and I get that. So up until now, adoption has been off the table for us.

When we got the news about the DOR diagnosis, it became a real possibility that with only two tries left at IVF, that biological children may not be in the cards for us. So one night after the news of the DOR, we were having dinner and J tells me that he thinks we need to start thinking about adoption. I was happily surprised. I was glad that he was the one to bring it up and not me. We're not totally sold yet, but we agree that we need to start educating ourselves about adoption and figuring out if it's right for us. There is so much to learn- it's all very overwhelming. But I got myself a book and found some good resources in other girls that have adopted in the recent past. I'm hopeful that IVF isn't the end of our journey.

Meanwhile we're getting closer to IVF #2 and I'm not so excited about it. I guess I've been stripped of a lot of the hope I had for IVF and now it just feels like we're going through the motions. I guess time will tell.

WTF Appointment

We met with the RE today to talk about next steps. He officially diagnosed me with Diminished Ovarian Reserve (DOR). Even though my FSH levels were normal (5.6) and my AFC was normal (12), my AMH levels were low- 1.0. So that combined with my absolutely horrid response to the max dose of stims- I am lucky enough to fall into the DOR category. It's a tough diagnosis. It's just making things that much more difficult. But let's be for serious- Did I expect anything less than complicated and expensive? Um, no.

So since we already know how I respond on the Antagonist protocol- (shitty), the RE wants to use that same drug protocol and front load me with stims. Max out the dose from the beginning to hopefully recruit more follicles at the beginning of the cycle. J and I talked about it and if I'm not showing a good response by 8 or 9 days into stims- I think we'll elect to cancel the cycle. Insurance considers it to be a full cycle if you get to retrieval and being that we only have two left. So I'd really rather not waste a cycle if I'm not responding.

They also said that J had barely enough sperm to fertilize the four eggs we got, so unfortunately we have to have the urologist as a back up again.

All in all, it was all pretty depressing news. I'm left feeling a bit hopeless, honestly. I mean we'll try again, but I guess I just have pretty low expectations.