I'm a lucky, lucky girl.

I got a call from the pharmacy today to pay for my meds over the phone. I've been secretly nervous about this cause I have NO clue what the cost to me would be. I know that we ordered about $6,000 in medication.

The lady says that the total for all the medication is $115.00. I just about cried. I was expecting thousands of dollars. Instantly I was so thankful for this insurance we've been given. It really did change everything. I remember the stress I felt and the pressure of being 100% Out of Pocket. I am so lucky.

I hope that I have lots of left overs and I hope they will help someone else that needs them.

Today was a good day!

Today was a success! I've been up since 4am worrying about this weigh in. Ugh.

But I passed! I made it! We're moving forward! ::pats self on back::

I had my mock transfer today which went well. Oh how I missed the dildo cam. So happy it's back in my life. The only thing I was told was that my bladder was too full so day of transfer, they may ask me to empty it a bit. Oh, ok. I can handle that. PHEW.

And then we went to injection class. My brain is now full of medication mixing and drawing up and needle sizes. And it's all a huge jumble. I'm sure we'll be ok in the long run- just a TON of information. But they have videos and charts and all kinds of stuff to help you out, so no big.

Consent forms are signed and meds arrive on 1/29. EEEeeepp!! This still feels fake- like something is bound to screw it up and we'll be on hold again. Right? I mean are we doing this FOR REAL?!?! WTF.

8 more pills to go. I hate BCP. Hate.

Baseline is 1/30! Stims start 2/2!

I did my best.

I can now honestly say that I tried. I tried my best to get my weight down. As of this morning I was 2 points under the BMI limit. I exercised my ass off today and have been doing very low salt food, lots of veggies, and tons of water. So hopefully everything will work out in my favor and we can press on. And if not, then I'll keep going down this same path and I'll know for sure that next month I'll be ready.

Cross your fingers for me.

I think I failed.

I've taken exactly 7 birth control pills. ONLY 7.

And all week I've gained weight. I've been working out 5-6 days a week and not even cheating. I thought I was doing well. So it must be the birth control? Right? Water weight? W

I thought I'd be under the weight limit with no problem. But if I keep on this path- I won't make it. How humiliating will it be to get on the scale in front of the nurse and my husband and have her tell me that I'm too heavy. I don't think I can do that.

So what do I do now? Crash diet? Cleanse? J says don't do anything drastic and just see what happens.

I feel like a huge failure. I tried all this time and I failed. I moved the dates, and I failed. I hate my body. I hate the way I look. I hate that I can't just have one thing work out. I wish I could quit.

Gettin Poked

I started going to acupuncture again. I hope those little needles can help maintain my sanity over the next several weeks. I'm not really all that familiar with the science behind acupuncture, but I know that for me- it's very relaxing. I'm also hoping we can work a little bit on my arthritis issues and inflammation in general. So for now the plan is twice a week for a little while and we'll see where things go from there.

In other news-I hit a bit of a plateau in my weight loss, but it finally appears that I've broken through. FINALLY. Ugh. I'm almost down 24lbs. I would really like to hit 30 before starting stims.

3 pills down- 17 to go!

This actually happened to me today.

The very last thing we had to do before completing all our pre-IVF work was contact the Urologist and find out what his plan was for J. We had some conflicting reports so we just wanted everything to be square for scheduling purposes. J has left a message for the Uro and was waiting for a call back.

Side note: J and I bought my Mom a sound bar for her TV for Christmas. We haven't been able to hook it up because we needed an extra cable.

So being the very nice son-in-law that he is- J went up to my Mom's today to install the sound bar. They were just leaving lunch- sitting in the car- when the doctor called. And J talked to him. On Bluetooth speaker phone. With my Mom in the car. So Mom got an ear full about the sperm plans. Ugh.

J calls me at work to tell me the sperm plans. With my mom in the car. Ugh again.

The urologist wants J to do a repeat semen analysis. He's been on the Clo and some other vitamins- CoQ10 and ConceptionXR since September. He responded well to the Clo before so we're hoping it has helped now. He wants him to go see what's goin on with the boys and possibly freeze some sperm as a back up for IVF. The back up will allow us to not have to do any kind of surgical removal on the day of egg retrieval. (Do you hear J cheering in the background about that??) If the sample is good- they freeze. If not- then we'll have the urologist on stand by for egg retrieval day. So then after that- J will go the day before egg retrieval and give a sample and then also potentially the day of. It's a good plan.

So back to the awkward part. J says (still on speaker phone, still with my mom) that he should call them now and he'll just go over to the office and do the sample now. (Um, hi- are you just going to leave my MOM in the waiting room?). I then have to remind him that it's been far too long since he's ::clears throat:: cleared the pipes to provide a sample. While my Mom listened. Awesome.

So much for not telling anyone, huh? Repeat S/A is 1/23.

This is really happening.

So we're really going to do IVF. ::gulp::  I got my period today and shit got serious.

Sounds like a funny thing to put in a blog that's done nothing but bitch about waiting to do IVF, right? ha ha Turns out I'm REALLY good at talking about IVF, but I'm super mega nervous to actually go through with it. Part of it is that I'm irrationally afraid they will tell me I still need to lose weight. (I'm really fine- I just am a paranoid freak) but part of it is just the whole emotional roller coaster of it all and not knowing what to expect.

I got my calendar and I should expect a call from the pharmacy as early as the end of the week to set up med delivery. ::gulp again:: I will call tomorrow to set up my mock transfer and our injection class. Birth control starts on Wednesday and will go through the 29th of January.

I'm not telling anyone that we're doing this in real life- not my mom or anyone. So interwebz- it's just you and me through all this.

Here goes nothin.