Back to the Diet

I had a great weekend. Really- every weekend with these girls just kind of helps me fill up the feel good tank and reset myself to a good place. It's so great. I am so lucky and so happy to have them in my life.

We did take lots of pictures and when I look at them- I'm not super happy with what I see. I can't lie- I don't like the way I look. I clearly feel far better about myself than I did 25 pounds ago, but I realized that I still have quite the long way to go. So I'm back on the diet wagon. Back to eating well and back to exercising. LOTS of exercising. I'm thankful that I didn't gain any weight through IVF, so I won't have to be stressed out about that, but I'm back on birth control and so I really need to get things in check.

I joined Diet Bet with some of my friends. It's a challenge to drop 4% of your body weight in 28 days. Eeep!  That seems really hard, but a good goal to go after. That would put me right before starting stims again and I would be a happy camper.

I did my best.

I can now honestly say that I tried. I tried my best to get my weight down. As of this morning I was 2 points under the BMI limit. I exercised my ass off today and have been doing very low salt food, lots of veggies, and tons of water. So hopefully everything will work out in my favor and we can press on. And if not, then I'll keep going down this same path and I'll know for sure that next month I'll be ready.

Cross your fingers for me.

I think I failed.

I've taken exactly 7 birth control pills. ONLY 7.

And all week I've gained weight. I've been working out 5-6 days a week and not even cheating. I thought I was doing well. So it must be the birth control? Right? Water weight? W

I thought I'd be under the weight limit with no problem. But if I keep on this path- I won't make it. How humiliating will it be to get on the scale in front of the nurse and my husband and have her tell me that I'm too heavy. I don't think I can do that.

So what do I do now? Crash diet? Cleanse? J says don't do anything drastic and just see what happens.

I feel like a huge failure. I tried all this time and I failed. I moved the dates, and I failed. I hate my body. I hate the way I look. I hate that I can't just have one thing work out. I wish I could quit.

Gettin Poked

I started going to acupuncture again. I hope those little needles can help maintain my sanity over the next several weeks. I'm not really all that familiar with the science behind acupuncture, but I know that for me- it's very relaxing. I'm also hoping we can work a little bit on my arthritis issues and inflammation in general. So for now the plan is twice a week for a little while and we'll see where things go from there.

In other news-I hit a bit of a plateau in my weight loss, but it finally appears that I've broken through. FINALLY. Ugh. I'm almost down 24lbs. I would really like to hit 30 before starting stims.

3 pills down- 17 to go!

New Outlook

When I first found out that I had to lose weight, I was pretty upset. Well, more like embarrassed  And I guess disappointed with myself. And now I'm so thankful that I was properly motivated to change my ways. It was long, long overdue. So I'm trying to have a new outlook about all this dieting/eating business. And I'm learning a few things along the way.

Things I've Learned:
1. I like Brussel Sprouts.
2. Most vegetables taste good. And even better with red pepper flakes on them. Spicy vegetables!
3. I feel better both mentally and physically when I exercise.
4. Generally speaking- no food that I KNOW I shouldn't be eating is worth the guilt that comes afterward.

I'm making strides and I am really happy that I've turned over this new leaf. I also really like that I have something to focus on that isn't related to making a baby. It's time for some new goals for myself.

New Goals:
1. Weigh less than my husband.
2. Lose 10% of my body weight.
3. Exercise 5 days a week, every week.
4. Shop at Ann Taylor Loft again.

All reasonable. All not so far away. I can do this.

More Progress

Just chugging along. No news is good news, for now. I really need to step up my exercise efforts. I feel like I've got a handle on the food now that I'm a few weeks in. I think I really need to get down another 10-15lbs to feel like I'm really in the safe zone. We leave to go on vacation on Saturday- a week in the Bahamas. Yessssssssss. I can't wait!

Today we celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary. I'm so lucky to have J as my husband. Despite everything we've been through, I can't imagine one day without him and I hope year number 4 is our best yet. 

Progress

So far, so good. 

And an update. J and I decided to move our IVF cycle until after the new year. The waiting sucks, but I'm kind of used to it now and I just want to be 100% sure that I can focus on the weight loss for a little while. It would really suck to go all out and STILL not make the cut off. So we'll wait until January and spend the next few weeks exercising and eating food that's good for me. 

Shit just got Real.

Soooooooo this is pretty embarrassing. More like reeeeeeaaaaallllly embarrassing. In 2007 I had gastric bypass. I lost 110lbs. It changed my life. It was amazing.

Today- my nurse called me to get my weight because Le Baby Factory has a BMI limit. And I'm above it. ::hangs head in total shame:: So in order to start stims- I have to drop 17lbs by the end of November. I'm not entirely sure that I can accomplish that, but all I can do is try.

What's good for the goose...

Is good for the gander? Isn't that the saying?

I'm hoping that JC having weight loss surgery will be good for me too. I had gastric bypass almost 4 years ago and in the last 3 years have managed to put on 40lbs. There. I said it. 40lbs. I'm hoping that he'll be in charge of what he needs to eat and I can be in charge of what I need to eat and that eventually we'll meet in the middle somewhere.

I'm also looking foward to starting to try new things for exercise. JC wants to canoe and hike this summer. Once this surgery and RAI is over, we'll have a good year of trying new things together to look foward to. It's nice to have good things ahead for once.