A Good Anniversary

1 year ago today I found out that I have Thyroid Cancer.

And today I AM CANCER FREE!!

Thyroid Cancer, you can SUCK A FAT ONE.

The Uphill Ride

Click, Click, Click...

The ride up the giant IVF hill has begun. I talked to my IVF nurse today for the first time since I found out that I had cancer. She was just as nice as she was when we were first cycling. She wanted to know how I was feeling and how J was doing. She was so happy to hear that I am now cancer free. She's excited to hear that we are cycling again. It was nice to hear someone be optimistic.

J goes next week for another semen analysis. The first since surgery. Let the anxiety begin.

2 Years Deep

And nothing to show for it. ::sigh::

About a year ago I made THIS post. And here I am another year in and still in the same place. Nothing to show for it. My level of anxiety about the future of our family (or lack there of???) is on the rise. I'm terrified of IVF and what will happen if it doesn't work. I'm terrified of all the decisions we'll have to make. I'm afraid of having testing done after what they found the last time. It's all so overwhelming. And even though we're months away from actually starting- the time will go quickly and then I'll have to face it. I'll have to face the possibility of things not going well.

I never thought I would have gone through all of this. You know when you go up the big hill on a roller coaster and you can hear that click click click all the way up the hill? I hate that part. And it seems like it takes so long to get up that hill for such a short ride. That is what this feels like- the hill is HUGE and the ride to the top is so long. It's been a whole year of click click click all the way up to the top. What happens when I get to the top? Will I like the ride? Will it make me sick? And then how does it end?

Too many questions. So much unknown. It's terrifying. But I have no choice, right?

IVF Update

So when was the last time you saw one of these? It's been a while.

It's odd to even be thinking about this stuff for real. I mean we're creeping up on our 2 year anniversary of trying to have a baby. (FML) and I feel like just NOW we're even getting a shot to maybe do this for real.

So after my trip to the endocrinologist last week- it looks like we are heading for an August or September IVF cycle. I have one thyroid cancer hurdle to make it over- my thyrogen challenge. That consists of two shots of thyrogen and blood work. If there is still cancer floating around somewhere, the thyrogen will stimulate a marker in my blood. If that comes back negative, I'll just have an ultrasound of my neck and be on my merry IVF having way. I've scheduled that test for right after July 4th. It looks like I'm going to have to repeat all our testing (HSG, etc.) so I inquired about all of that stuff and if I could do that ahead of time. If there was a chance that my blood work would come back showing signs of cancer, I would have to have another iodine scan. If I had my HSG (which uses iodine dye), and then ended up needed another scan- it could delay the timing of the scan. So he told me to hold off on the HSG until after he can confirm that no further scan is needed.

On the sperm side of the house- J will go back to the Uro at the end of the month. It's been soooooo long since he's made love to the plastic cup and it's time to see how the boys are doing. He's lost about 115lbs since his last SA. I'm anxious to find out if that had any impact on his sperm count. If not- he'll go back to his little Clomid/Arimidex cocktail ad we'll see how that goes.

Cancer AGAIN?!? WTF?

Ok first of all- No- I don't have cancer again. I just thought for like 4 hours that I did. And let me tell you. That was THE LONGEST 4 HOURS EVER. I had a follow up with my endocrinologist this week. It was a totally anxiety free event for me- I'll go, he'll feel my neck, take some blood, and I'll be on my merry way.

So onto the neck feeling part. Usually he gives me a cup of water and I swallow and he feels. (Dirty, huh? ha ha) and normally he says "I can't feel anything. Everything feels normal.". Except this visit. At this visit he said "I think I feel something enlarged."

Just sayin, but ENLARGED is like the worst word ever to hear from the person who diagnosed you with cancer. :::cue panic:::

Per my normal process, as soon as he said the word ENLARGED, I went to the worst possible place. In my head I was having surgery again and we would never have a baby. In reality, he sent me to radiology for an ultrasound of my neck. I was fit into the schedule which meant nothing but lots of waiting and time spent thinking about my upcoming fake surgery and my lack of offspring. So while I sat stewing in a total panic, it turned out that it was all for nothing.

I do have a enlarged lymph node in my neck, but it's not big enough to be scary and you can have enlarged lymph nodes for about a billion reasons. :::deep deep breaths:::

Cancer seriously fucking sucks.

Personhood SUCKS.

The Virginia House of Representatives just passed VA House Bill 1 recently. Here is the summary direct from the bill:

Rights of unborn children. Provides that unborn children at every stage of development enjoy all the rights, privileges, and immunities available to other persons, citizens, and residents of the Commonwealth, subject only to the laws and constitutions of Virginia and the United States, precedents of the United States Supreme Court, and provisions to the contrary in the statutes of the Commonwealth.

So why should you be opposed to Personhood Bills? (Or I guess why am I?) Well essentially the passage of these bills will make it near impossible to practice reproductive medicine. Doctors and patients can be held criminally liable for anything that were to happen to embryos.

It does specifically state in the bill that practices of infertility treatment are exempt, but the language used is horribly vague and dangerous.

And by the by- there are about 1000 other terrible thing that go along with this bill- Umm forcing a woman who is having an abortion due to rape to submit to a transvaginal ultrasound before the procedure? So kind. So here are some references for you to read up on Personhood. If this is impacting your state- write to your state legislators and make your voice heard!

Click HERE to read the American Society for Reproductive Medicine's opinion.

Click HERE to read RESOLVES Personhood Talking Points.

Click HERE to read the entire bill- Virginia House Bill 1.

I've been Tagged!

I've been tagged by Living Our Life in Cycles. Thanks for tagging me! Here we go!

Here are the rules:

1) First post the rules.
2) Answer 11 questions from the person that tagged you.
3) Create 11 NEW questions for the people you tag.
4) Tag people and link them to your post.
5) Let them know that you tagged them.

1. What kind of sleeper are you? Stomach, side, stomach, all of the above I am a side sleeper. Well I fall asleep on my side. After that all bets are off.
2. What is your favorite app on your cell phone- if you have that kind of phone My favorite is the Nook App. I've been reading a lot lately.
3. If you could have any wild animal as a pet what would you have? Why? A monkey! Like one of those cute baby chimps. They seem so have so much personality.
4. If you have any super power what would you choose? Why? Time travel. I'd like to have my husband meet my father.
5. What is your favorite candy? Usually I'm into fruity candy like Starbursts or Skittles. But I do love Heath Bars too. Toffee is gooood.
6. What is your favorite season? Spring. Love being able to open the windows!
7. What one movie could you watch over and over again? Grease 2. Way better than the first.
8. If you HAD to move to another state or country where would you go? Really anywhere in Europe, but if I had to pick- Spain. Another state- would prefer somewhere that I don't have to shovel a lot of snow.
9. Are you a night or morning person? Um, neither really. I'm a get up without the alarm clock around 7:30 kinda girl. So not early morning, but I don't sleep so late anymore.
10. Biggest pet peeve? Ugh. There are a lot.
11. What's your favorite website to visit? Probably Facebook.

Here are MY questions:

1. If you had to eat one food every day for the rest of your life, what would it be?
2. Who was the last person you called and what did you talk about?
3. Do you like candles? What kind of scents?
4. If you could have dinner with any celebrity, who would it be?
5. What is the last good book you read?
6. Do you collect anything? How did you start?
7. Do you have a nickname?
8. Zombies are attacking. Do you run or stay and fight?
9. If you had to spend $1000 on yourself, how would you spend it?
10. What is your dream car?
11. What color are your bathroom towels?

I'm tagging (and please forgive and ignore if you've already been tagged)

1. Brooke at Invisible Finish Line
2. 
   

Um, Wow. So everyone's blog that I follow has already been tagged. SO I tag no one! ha ha