What a Craptastic Day

Went back for monitoring today. 4 follicles- largest at 12mm. Ugh. Was really hoping for more growth. Not really bigger follies, but more of them. 4? I mean really?

I talked to my nurse and she said she's concerned that there aren't so many follicles. Yeah- me too. They increased my dose of Gonal F to 375 and kept the Menopur at 225. Ganirelix starts when the follies are at 14mm, so I'll go back tomorrow morning to check for that.

I'm losing hope already. I know it's early, but seriously this blows. We've been trying to get to the point of starting IVF for SO long- it's felt like FOREVER. And in my head- It's always been the end game. Like if we can get to IVF, we'll be fine. And now we're not. I fucking hate infertility and all the mind fucks it delivers. Blah.

First Day of Monitoring

I wore my lucky Aloha socks to my appointment this morning that I got from a lovely, lovely lady on 3T. Love ya Denise!! The nurse asked me if I had ever been to Hawaii. I told her no, but I have this lovely group of internet friends and we exchange socks cause when you're in treatment, you spend a lot of time in stirrups. So you might as well have cute socks!

And we talked about this all while she wanded me with the dildo cam. Might as well chat it up while you're there, right?

 So no follicles over 10mm. She said that things look quiet in there, but that's "appropriate" for this point in the cycle. She said they'll look at my blood work and call me with instructions. So of course I missed the call from my nurse and all she said was that Dr. Khan (as in the Wrath of) wants to increase my dose of Gonal F to 300 and Menopur to 225. I wish she'd have told me my E2 level, but alas- I have no idea. So we did that tonight and tomorrow and I'll go back on Thursday. I'm hoping that Thursday will show some measurable growth. I hope she's right about it being appropriate. Internet friends say I'm right on track and that things look ok.

It's hard not to worry. The stress is starting to creep in. Worrying about follicle growth, shooting up meds the right way...ugh. This is not good for a worry wart like me.

Shooting up is STRESSFUL.

Phew. First night is over.

The injections- easy. No pain, tiny needles, didn't sting or burn. Easy.

The mixing and drawing up- STRESSFUL. By the time I was done, I was sweating! This is NOT something I want to mess up. When we went to injection class, I remember thinking that this won't be so bad. And then tonight I sat down to actually do this and I was like wait a sec- what needles go with what? And HOW THE EFF DO I DO THIS?!? And then I started to panic.

But in the end- I think that I did ok. And now I hope that my little follicles are in there growing away. And I hope I don't pass out over all the worrying I'll do about messing this stuff up between now and monitoring on Tuesday.

Baseline Done!

We're all set to start stims on Saturday. Whaaaaaaaaat? Like start for real? Oh shiz, I better figure out how to do these injections. First monitoring appointment is February 5th.

We're doing IVF. HOLY SHIZ. 

Look What I Got!

Ok so just ignore all the other crapola on the table, but LOOK WHAT I GOT!!! Drugs! Needles! More Drugs! Is this the part where it gets real? ha ha I guess there is no turning back now!

Remember my little tiny stash that I used for Natural Cycle? No? Here it is. Makes this big box look like a crap ton of drugs. It also made me realize that I have just about zero recollection about how to mix the drugs and which needles go with which thing. I guess I'll figure that part out?? I hope??

Gah! We're really doing this! This is crazy pants. Just total crazy pants.

In other news, J went to provide a sample today that we hope to freeze as a back up. I hate waiting for SA results. It's the worst. I'm hopeful that I will hear something tomorrow. He's been on Clomid since September so I am so hoping that it will have helped.

Tomorrow is baseline and stims should start Saturday!

I'm a lucky, lucky girl.

I got a call from the pharmacy today to pay for my meds over the phone. I've been secretly nervous about this cause I have NO clue what the cost to me would be. I know that we ordered about $6,000 in medication.

The lady says that the total for all the medication is $115.00. I just about cried. I was expecting thousands of dollars. Instantly I was so thankful for this insurance we've been given. It really did change everything. I remember the stress I felt and the pressure of being 100% Out of Pocket. I am so lucky.

I hope that I have lots of left overs and I hope they will help someone else that needs them.

Today was a good day!

Today was a success! I've been up since 4am worrying about this weigh in. Ugh.

But I passed! I made it! We're moving forward! ::pats self on back::

I had my mock transfer today which went well. Oh how I missed the dildo cam. So happy it's back in my life. The only thing I was told was that my bladder was too full so day of transfer, they may ask me to empty it a bit. Oh, ok. I can handle that. PHEW.

And then we went to injection class. My brain is now full of medication mixing and drawing up and needle sizes. And it's all a huge jumble. I'm sure we'll be ok in the long run- just a TON of information. But they have videos and charts and all kinds of stuff to help you out, so no big.

Consent forms are signed and meds arrive on 1/29. EEEeeepp!! This still feels fake- like something is bound to screw it up and we'll be on hold again. Right? I mean are we doing this FOR REAL?!?! WTF.

8 more pills to go. I hate BCP. Hate.

Baseline is 1/30! Stims start 2/2!