I'm done with the Roller Coaster

For real. I'm done. Up, Down, Up, Down...it's making me feel like I'm going to hurl.

Here's my latest news. This may be long, it's been a rough couple of days.

Thursday and Friday sent me back to the hospital for Thyroid testing. I was scheduled to have two injections of Thyrogen (synthetic thyroid hormone) one on Thursday and one on Friday. They are using Thyrogen to attempt to stimulate my thyroglobulin levels. Thyroglobulin is the marker in the blood work for cancer. Normally it is undetectable. So if you get Thyrogen, and your thyroglobulin levels rise- that is bad. If it stays undetectable, then we're in the clear. I was also set to have an ultrasound of my neck to look at my lymph nodes around my neck and my thyroid bed. 


Thursday:
Went and got my Thyrogen injection- no problem. Walked over to radiology for the ultrasound and my back starts hurting. Uh-oh. With my history of kidney stones I was getting nervous that I was having a stone. Remember this post?? The last time I had a stone was during my thyroid biopsy. How appropriate. Ugh. So they called me back and I'm waiting for the tech and the pain is getting worse and worse- and now I'm having trouble breathing through it. It's like someone is stabbing me in the back. Now I know it's a kidney stone and I know I have to get to the ER. Lucky for me that I'm at the hospital. Ha! To add to the frustration, my phone doesn't work in the hospital and it's about 1000 degrees outside. I'm sweating from the pain and have to go outside to try to get a hold of J. I head to the ER that is PACKED full of people. They are kind enough to get me back quickly and start an IV. Once the IV went in- the pain stopped. They did do a CT Scan to confirm it was a stone (which it was), but they said it was small and on it's way out. So they sent me home with pain meds and instructions to drink a lot. 


Friday:
Pretty sure I passed the stone early early Friday morning. No pain and no feeling it since then. Back to the hospital for Thyrogen shot #2 and rescheduled ultrasound. Got the shot- no big deal. Except Thyrogen makes you feel like dog shit. Glad to be done with it. I went back for the ultrasound and when the tech was finished she said to me "You have some nodes that need to be evaluated." WHAT? I have WHAT? That is pretty high on the list of things you DON'T EVER say to people who have had cancer. I proceed to cry the entire way home and by the time I got home, I'd convinced myself I had cancer again and I would never have a baby. Way to stay positive, Kathy! After crying and stewing about it for far too long, I decided to email my endocrinologist and just see if he could get the results any sooner. He emailed me back at 10:47 on a Friday night. He is amazing. Here is his email to me:

Your pre-thyrogen labs look great and the thyroglobulin is undetectable (just like we want it to be - this is the thyroid cancer marker).

I also have the sono result and the lymph nodes that are seen are benign appearing. We see stuff like this all the time. Nothing to lose sleep over.


He attached the ultrasound report and it says in the findings section: No sonographic evidence to suggest recurrence.NO RECURRENCE!!!
I wanted to make out with him. The relief was unreal. So at the end of the day- I am going to be fine. I don't have cancer anymore. Monday I go for follow up blood work from Thyrogen, but now I'm not worried about that. Phew. 

Hello September!

September is here! Bye Bye Summer! Time is moving quickly. Not so sure if that is good or bad, really.

September is Thyroid Cancer Awareness Month!!

So what does that mean, hmmm?? It means you should take a few minutes and learn about your thyroid. Next time you go for a physical- ask your doctor to feel your neck. They can sometimes feel any abnormal lumps or bumps on your thyroid just through a short painless physical exam of your neck. If you have a known thyroid condition- GO TO AN ENDOCRINOLOGIST. DO NOT have it monitored by a family doctor, OB/GYN, or any other doctor. You need to see a specialist!!

When you see someone with a scar on their throat or neck- do them a favor- Quit staring at it. They already know it's there.

You can learn more about Thyroid Cancer Awareness by going here: http://www.thyca.org/.

Thyroid Levels

TSH = 0.029

The best they've ever been. I cried when I got the email from the endo. And not because they were so good, but because that means I have no idea why I don't feel well. And I hate my body.

TSH levels

I go tomorrow for thyroid bloodwork- my first Post-Op set. Lately I've been exhausted (which may or may not have something to do with my lack of blogging). So I'm really very curious to see what my TSH levels will be like. I can't lie- I hope he changes the meds. Anythint to not feel like dog shit at the end of the day would be grrrrreat.

Where's my Chance?

So a little update.

I met with the surgeon and a new endocrinologist that specializes in Endocrine Oncology at Washington Hospital Center. The good news- surgery is scheduled for Friday, April 8th. The surgeon was kind enough to explain all the risks including potentially losing my voice for a while or not being able to yell ever again. All in all, not bad. I'll be in the hospital overnight and out of work the entire following week. The not so great news- new endo (who I really like, ps) thinks that I will need to have radiation iodine treatment. That current assumption is based on the size of the nodules and the fact that there are more than one. The final decision about whether or not I'll actually need to have that done is based on the pathology reports after surgery. The shitty news- radiation iodine treatment means IVF is off the table for a year after it is completed.

I feel like when you go through infertility- it takes away all the good parts of trying to have a baby. It becomes a job or a chore. It becomes this huge source of stress instead of this amazing thing you and your husband share. You put your body and your relationship and your finances through this huge thing and at the end of it- all you really get is a chance. And now it seems like the chance has been taken away too. I was already really having trouble dealing with the stress of IVF and all it brings with it, but now knowing that I'll have to sit back and wait is very hard and very sad. I don't want to spend the next year being sad every time someone I know has a baby or get pregnant. I don't want that to be my first reaction. And I'm not sure how to stop that quite yet.

So for now, I guess I just have to somehow try to see the good in this. I will be fine and I will survive having cancer. For now I just have to hope I'll get my chance one day.

And if you read all that- you get this:

Tentative Plans

I went from having an amazing IVF nurse to have an amazing nurse at the new endo. VERY lucky.

My friend D hooked me up with a woman, Cyndi, at the new Endo's office. She has taken care of everything and now there is a plan!

I have an appointment with Dr. W (new endo who only take cancer patients) and the surgeon Dr. C on April 4th. (5 weeks earlier than they told me I could get in...awesomesauce) I have to have another ultrasound to make sure that the lymph nodes around my thyroid are all normal and don't need to come out as well.

I have a tentative surgery date of April 8th. In theory that means that this could all be over by the end of June! Not terrible. More waiting, but not terrible.

Now I REALLY hate my endo.

I broke up with him this morning.

I went in for my follow up. I waited in the office for an hour before being seen. Now I understand that as far as cancers go- the kind I have isn't a deal breaker. I'm not going to die from the kind of cancer that I have. But it's still a scary thing. It's still overwhelming. So after my hour long wait, he spent a whopping 6 minutes with me. I tried to explain that my friend D had recommended a surgeon that I would like to go to. I was promptly scolded for "shopping for a doctor". He told me that he would ONLY refer me to the surgeon of his choice (about 90 minutes away from my house). He threw some pamphlets about cancer my way and told me not to come back until after I have surgery.

Don't come back? Check. Done.

I have cancer.

The biopsy came back positive. I have papillary carcinoma of the thyroid. Cancer.

I have to have my thyroid removed, but beyond that- I'm not quite sure yet.

I have to call my IVF nurse and tell her that we have to put treatment on hold indefinitely. I don't want to call her. I don't want this to be real.

What sucks worse than Infertility?

Cancer, that's what.

I went to the endo today. I was told that the nodules on my thyroid are "suspicious" and that I need to have a biopsy. My chances of having thyroid cancer are 10-15%.

My thyroid biopsy is scheduled for March 15th. I was told I would get the results there at the appointment.

My TSH levels are in the right place- 3.07. My Synthroid dose was increased so that number will continue to drop. That means if the biopsy comes back negative- we can move forward with IVF. If not- well then I have cancer and need to deal with that before attempting to go through an IVF cycle.

I can't even believe I just typed that. I might have cancer.

I hate the Endocrinologist.

So clearly, I've been stalking. I'm not good at waiting. I've accepted this about myself. So I decided that there was no way on earth that I was going to just sit around and wait until Friday to get the thyroid results back. I was going to stalk the endocrinologist's office.

I started stalking yesterday. They told me they didn't have the lab results back yet. Ok, fine.

And then today they told me that they can't release my results prior to my appointment with the doctor. Um, I'm sorry- what? You can't give me MY OWN blood work results?!?

And then the endocrinologist was dead to me.

When is it acceptable

To stalk the endo's office for my blood work results? I had the blood drawn on Friday. So maybe Wednesday??

I know it's only two more days after that to wait, but that could mean two days of sanity gained. And lately- every day of sanity gained is a big win.

Yes...maybe Wednesday.

One more week

Got my blood drawn this morning. And now I wait one more week for the TSH results. PLEASE let it be in the 3's. I just want to stop dragging this out and get the show on the road. I'm ready to move forward. The thought of having to wait even another month is so depressing. And would cause me a scheduling nightmare. So Thyroid- GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

More Drama

Stupid Thyroid.

I went to get a thyroid sonogram at the request of my new endocrinologist. I used to work in a radiology office when I was in college. I know that in a radiology office- they never get the doctor unless it's bad news. So the tech did the scan and said to me "Ok- I'm going to go get the doctor."
And then I was in a panic.

So turns out that I have 2 nodules on my thyroid. Of course I immediately consulted Dr. Google. And everything I'm reading says that I shouldn't panic and that 98% of these are totally not an issue and no big deal. (PS- When has Dr. Google ever given out good news?!?) And then I get a cryptic message from the nurse that says "We can't start the process" until I have my lab work completed. WTF does that mean??

One sleepless night and a call to the endo's nurse later- she tells me that I'm fine and they were just reminding me to get my labs done. Whaaaaaaaaat?? If you say so?

And now- more waiting.
Follow up is 3/11. Need my stupid tyroid to behave and be in the 3's!