My Tree

J and I finally decorated our tree.

I guess it makes me feel more Christmas-ish, but not really. There is a whole separate post about what's currently ruining my holiday. But until I have time to post about stupid Maine, I'll show you some of my favorite ornaments.

J bought this for me for our first Christmas together. Awe.

This is from a collection of ornaments from the Franklin Mint. My family started collecting these 18k gold ornaments each year since my parents were married. Now J and I have our own collection going. And we will keep that tradition going into our family. Here is the 2011 ornament- Away in a Manger.

This ornament is from my Grandmother's collection. Each of her grandchildren (there are 9 of us) split up her Christmas ornaments after she passed away a little over 3 years ago. This one is my favorite of hers.

There are a ton more on the tree, but those are some of the greatest hits.

What Made Me Laugh Today

No idea, but I cried from laughing. CRIED.

Blogging Ideas

I need new topics. My IF life is on hold. I've been pretty boring lately. So I found some interesting things that may provide some good blogging. Answer these questions:

1. When do the ends justify the means?

2. Tell me about the one that got away. A friend, lover, job.

3. Would you rather read minds or live forever?

4. Tell me about what you miss.

Answers to come in future posts.

Lots more things

1. I'm still a workin fool. It's retirement season and we're busy little bees. I hope that things will chill out after the holidays. Sadly, my blogging has suffered cause of my work schedule. Lamesauce.

2. J and I went away for Thanksgiving. It was glorious. Absolutely glorious. We spent four full days doing nothing but hanging out with each other. It was good to refill the husband time tank. I was in desperate need of a break from life and it was amazing.

3. I have moved further and further away from my sister. I love her kids, but she makes me want to vag punch her. She's so damn selfish and it makes me crazy.

4. I've become close with another one of my efriends- B- and I have never wanted to send someone an ehug more in my life. BP if you are reading this- know that I am sending you love all the way to AZ and back.

5. I am exhausted all the time recently. I want to blame my thyroid, but I'm sure it's probably because all I do is work and sleep and when I'm not working, I want to be sleeping. And I'm getting fatter by the day. Awesome.

6. I've made good headway with Christmas shopping. And it's just barely December. GO ME!

7. It's December. Holy Crap. I'd like to say that I'm shocked and the time has gone so fast, but I would like to speed through December. 2011 sucked and I'd like to forget it happened.

8. I think that I'm caught in a strange dichotomy- I post on message boards that bombard me with baby stuff. I do this willingly because my efriends are there. But continuing this is really contributing to my internal bitterness. I just can't quit you, efriends.

9. My in laws are getting a divorce. It's turning into a 120% cluster fuck. I'm terrified that my mother in law will want to live with us. And then I'm terrified that J will let her.

10. Next weekend I'm spending the weekend with my favorites. The girls from this post. Spending time with them is good for my soul. Plus I'll get to bake. And give gifts. I can't wait.

Blog Award!

I got a blog award! Whoop Whoop!! A few days ago I was lucky enough to receive the Liebster Blog award from a wonderful blogger and efriend whose blog you can find HERE. The award is specifically designed for blogs with under 200 followers.

I must pay it forward and introduce you to some of my favorites. Check these girls out when you have some time.

1.Melissa at Up to the Moon and Back

2. Adorable Tales of the E, W, and the Foosa at Growing a Foosa

3. Kelly at Natalie and Adam's Journey

4. Brooke at Invisible Finish Line

5. Megan at Hoping for Baby B

Where I've Been

Well working, really. Work is 110% insanity right now. I hate my work life THE MOST. I day dream of pushing my manager off the roof or hanging myself by the blind cords daily. Ok- that may sound a little extreme, but I certainly threaten.

So I've been working. And I've been sad. Time marches on and I get more and more sad. I'm pretty good at faking that I'm fine. But I'm not sure that I am. I'm sad every time I think about this situation that I'm in. I'm sad thinking about what happens to us if IVF doesn't work. I'm sad when I find out that people are having baby #2 already. I can feel myself growing resentful of my own sister when I watch her with her own children. I judge her every parenting move and all I can think of is why her and not me?

In the Infertile world- the word bitter is a dangerous term. You don't call someone bitter. But what about calling yourself bitter? Cause I think I'm headed there. It's becoming pretty challenging for me not to want to drown myself in a giant tank of self pitty. I'm feeling increasingly fucked over by the universe each day. Faking it is exhausting. I'm fine! I'm happy about your pregnancy! I don't think it's bad if you tell your son that his father is a dick! It's great!

So that's kind of where I've been. I'm trying not to drag my blog down the drain with me. Every time I think I should post- it's about something depressing.

Where did my things go?

Two weeks deep and no blogging. My life has gone to crap lately. Work is 150% out of control and super mega busy so I'm behind on my blogging. I'll be back soon!!