Blog Award!

I got a blog award! Whoop Whoop!! A few days ago I was lucky enough to receive the Liebster Blog award from a wonderful blogger and efriend whose blog you can find HERE. The award is specifically designed for blogs with under 200 followers.

I must pay it forward and introduce you to some of my favorites. Check these girls out when you have some time.

1.Melissa at Up to the Moon and Back

2. Adorable Tales of the E, W, and the Foosa at Growing a Foosa

3. Kelly at Natalie and Adam's Journey

4. Brooke at Invisible Finish Line

5. Megan at Hoping for Baby B

Where I've Been

Well working, really. Work is 110% insanity right now. I hate my work life THE MOST. I day dream of pushing my manager off the roof or hanging myself by the blind cords daily. Ok- that may sound a little extreme, but I certainly threaten.

So I've been working. And I've been sad. Time marches on and I get more and more sad. I'm pretty good at faking that I'm fine. But I'm not sure that I am. I'm sad every time I think about this situation that I'm in. I'm sad thinking about what happens to us if IVF doesn't work. I'm sad when I find out that people are having baby #2 already. I can feel myself growing resentful of my own sister when I watch her with her own children. I judge her every parenting move and all I can think of is why her and not me?

In the Infertile world- the word bitter is a dangerous term. You don't call someone bitter. But what about calling yourself bitter? Cause I think I'm headed there. It's becoming pretty challenging for me not to want to drown myself in a giant tank of self pitty. I'm feeling increasingly fucked over by the universe each day. Faking it is exhausting. I'm fine! I'm happy about your pregnancy! I don't think it's bad if you tell your son that his father is a dick! It's great!

So that's kind of where I've been. I'm trying not to drag my blog down the drain with me. Every time I think I should post- it's about something depressing.

Where did my things go?

Two weeks deep and no blogging. My life has gone to crap lately. Work is 150% out of control and super mega busy so I'm behind on my blogging. I'll be back soon!!

Facebook blows.

Once I posted about the day that I ran into the girl from high school in my RE's office. Today Facebook told me that she had a baby girl. :::le sigh:::

I shouldn't care, but lately I feel like puking. I hate feeling jealous of other people. I'd like to be satisfied with what I've been given in life. Infertility sucks.

Holy Shiz it's Tuesday already?

I can barely keep up. Here we go.

1. Three weeks from tomorrow, we are leaving for South Carolina. Seriously. Can't.Happen.Soon.Enough. For realsies.

2. The approaching holidays are bumming me out in a serious way. Another stupid Christmas with no kids. If we could skip to January, it would really work out best for me. MMMmmmkay?

3. I got to see my niece and nephew last weekend and I love them. I melt when I see them. Except for the part when I spend the WHOLE time giving my sister a HUGE side eye for her parenting choices. I know, I know- when I have my own, I'll see what it's like. Whatever. My 18 month old nephew ate a block of Styrofoam while she sat on the couch. I can't deal.

4. Spending my whole life at work is not helping me deal with anything. I should know that by now.

5. I bailed on birth control. Stupid? Maybe. But let's be real- no sperm = no baby. So whatevs.

Oh and then you would have to have sex too. There's that. Humph.

6. J's birthday is in 13 days. Guess who has NO clue what to get him? That's right- THIS girl.

7. I just realized that all my things are super negative. I'm having a good hair day today. There's my one good thing. Ha!

8. I HAVE to get my ass on the elliptical machine before it gets any bigger!! Yikes!

9. The only TV show that I like watching- Top Chef- (random, right??) is starting a new season tonight. Whoop Whoop!!

10. Our anniversary is coming up in two weeks. We decided to get ourselves a joint present and get a new piece of furniture. The 2nd Anniversary gift is wood, after all!

Controlling the Birth

Or not?

So I had radiation treatment in July. And all the doctors told me NO BABIES for one year. My OB told me to go back on birth control. In my head, I thought- for what? I mean essentially no sperm = no babies anyway, right? Well my theory was that with my shitty luck- I would be the one to get pregnant like a minute after glowing from the radiation and then be terrified that I did something horrible to my child. So I did what I was told and I went back on birth control. And I hate it.

So now I think I've decided to just peace out on the birth control. I HATE it. And while I know that's not the best reason- It's starting to push me in that direction. What I really need to do is some research on radiation iodine and pregnancy in the pretty freakin slim chance that I do end up knocked up. I think my endocrinologist would HATE me if that happened, but I don't think it will anyway. So maybe some research and THEN a decision.

Ten More Things

1. <------That is my Boo Kitty. My first love. Isn't he sweet?

2. How is it Tuesday already? I barely had time to think of my 10 things and BAM- Tuesday again. I guess I should be thankful that the time is passing quickly, right?

3. J and I booked all our activities for our Thanksgiving trip to Charleston, SC! We're doing a night time walking tour of a haunted JAIL. SCORE! I love a good jail.

4. Work is total crazycakes right now. I'm walking a fine line between not being a manager and being a manager. My boss wants me to be a manager and I'm trying so hard not to be, but she is sucking me in. Not cool, man. Not cool.

5. We've decided to take our niece and nephew on a fun outing once a month. October was RenFest, November- we ice skate! Aunt Kathy hasn't been ice skating in a hot minute so that should be interesting. I'd just like to not break an ankle.

6. Alexa Jane is here!! My good friend M had her baby girl and now I have another baby! Happy Birthday Alexa and welcome to the world!! I love you already.

7. I started Christmas shopping. Please refer to last week's 10 things. :::pats self on the back:::

8. I decided that I'm going to roll some serious dice and just ditch birth control. I think the percent chance that I'll legit get pregnant without intervention is about zero so I figure, why bother?

9. I was supposed to start exercising this week. Maybe on Monday?

10. I challenged myself to read 50 books in 2011. I'm like 13 books behind and feeling the pressure!! How will I ever finish?!?! AHHH!