Beta

Well in case you couldn't infer from the death cramps or all the BFN posts- beta was negative. And somehow it just really sucked to hear it from my nurse. She is really awesome and for some reason all news IVF related sounds the most official when it comes from her. So yeah. Negative.

And as soon as it was over- a new one started. I started BCP for IVF #2 last night. The RE Dr. K thinks that the birth control may have over suppressed me (I agree). He still wants me on birth control, but not as much. So I'm going to do two weeks on, one week off, two weeks on. And then start stims. Antagonist Protocol again. We'll see what happens when we go for our WTF appointment next week. I have lots of questions to ask about my poor response and how we're going to try to fix that. So this whole plan is subject to change.

One big change is that our lips are sealed this time around. No one in real life will know we're doing this. NO ONE. It was so so sucky to have to tell people we failed. So this time we'll keep this under our hats.

Controlling the Birth

Or not?

So I had radiation treatment in July. And all the doctors told me NO BABIES for one year. My OB told me to go back on birth control. In my head, I thought- for what? I mean essentially no sperm = no babies anyway, right? Well my theory was that with my shitty luck- I would be the one to get pregnant like a minute after glowing from the radiation and then be terrified that I did something horrible to my child. So I did what I was told and I went back on birth control. And I hate it.

So now I think I've decided to just peace out on the birth control. I HATE it. And while I know that's not the best reason- It's starting to push me in that direction. What I really need to do is some research on radiation iodine and pregnancy in the pretty freakin slim chance that I do end up knocked up. I think my endocrinologist would HATE me if that happened, but I don't think it will anyway. So maybe some research and THEN a decision.