I cried last night.

Somehow I ran across this video last night: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

Warning: It's sad. You will ugly cry. You've been warned. Just sayin.

And I did the ugly cry about having a baby for the first time in a looooong time. I'm getting more and more anxious about getting back to baby making. I wish I could start now. I hate waiting.

Imaginary Insurance Coverage

J got a new job- YEAH! This means a bigger paycheck for us, which is never a bad thing. Ever since I have known that this was coming, I've been DYING to get my paws on the insurance card. Dying to call about the coverage. And a little bit-in my head- I had already decided that we were going to go from being 100% out of pocket for all our IVF expenses, to 100% covered and in the clear. I was doing a mental happy dance about it already.

I finally got the ID and group number- called to the customer service number- and then they told me there is no coverage for infertility or ART procedures. :::insert sound of balloon deflation here:::

So I know I shouldn't be THAT disappointed. But my imaginary infertility coverage was awesome. And now it's gone again. And we're back to saving every penny so we can try to have a baby.

No Maine

My trip was cancelled! Yahoo!!

So I'm not in Maine. And couldn't be happier about that.

Maine

I've always wanted to travel for work. Secretly I always wanted to build up airline miles and hotel points and use them for my own personal gain. Plus when I was younger, it always sounded so fancy. "I'm traveling for work this week." How grown up, right?

And now I'm traveling for work and I have no desire. I love my bed and I can't sleep well without my husband. Lame, right? It looks like I'm headed to Machias, ME for two weeks. Yes- Machias, Maine is a real place. Population 2,500. There are more moose than men in Machias. So just about the only thing in Machias is the call center that I'm going to visit and a bunch of lobsters. I'm pretty sure that the place that we are staying is much closer to Canada than it is to Machias.

Here is my list of reasons that I'm not happy about going to Machias:
1. I'm going to Maine with two co-workers. One is at least 70 and one is 26. Quite the trio, aren't we? My 70 year old co-worker is most upset that there is no Walmart in Machias. Please god let us have more than one rental car.

2. I'm not quite sure that I'll have cell phone service in Machias. Sadface. How will I talk to JC?

3. Internet access = questionable. I mean people in Machias have to use the internet, right?!?! Off the grid for two weeks? I legit need the internet for work so this could really suck.

4. Husband-less for two weeks. I hate that part the most.

5. Too many unknowns. I'm a planner. I need to have a plan. Can I do laundry in Machias? Can I call people? What do I need to wear to this place? What is the schedule like? No plans sucks.

6. It's already freezing in Machias.

But on the bright side- I can get a lobster for like $3 in Machias, I'll probably get to see a Moose up close, and go to Canada. Hopefully there are good magnets too.

It's D Day.

Dentist Day.

So I had my first full blown all out panic attack today. At the CONSULTATION- no work actually done to my teeth. Like the kind when you can't take a full breath and I felt so hot that I thought I may pass out. And I was doing the ugly cry. It was a stellar performance. J was checking me in at the dentist while the dentist himself was trying to calm me the fvck down. Seriously- this isn't normal. Not even a little bit. Once I got in the chair I was ok, thankfully.

The good news- I survived the consultation.
The bad news- I need 2 root canals. FML.

There will be sedation involved. I'm already armed with happy pills for the night before. I don't want to remember even one second of it. I go back on next Wednesday. NO FUN.

P to the S- J was Super Husband today. He offered to hold my hand the whole time and didn't even laugh at me while I was busy making a complete and total ass of myself. He is amazing.

I was up at 4am

And clearly finishing every single blog entry I had saved as a draft. I have one left, but I had to leave for work. I was having dreams of my teeth falling out mixed with dreams of screaming at my manager. All miserable. I've been a blogging slacker and hopefully will get better.

I did finally make an appointment at the dentist. I'm going next week. The panic is slowly increasing.

On Days Like Today...

I need a new job. My day started out with an 8:15am scolding from my manager. When will she ever learn that people are not perfect. Mistakes happen. No one will die because someone makes a mistake at my job. I will never understand why some people (like my manager) are hateful just for the sake of being hateful. What does that get you? Everyone ends up miserable.

On one hand, she is DESPERATE to be my friend and on the other she scolds me like I'm a child. If I left my job and was asked what made me leave- it would be her. And 100% no other reason.