This Thursday I'm thankful that we have a plan. And that we're starting down the road. I'm thankful for hope.
What are you thankful for this Thursday?
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Overdue Update
I knew I would be a blogging fail! I swear I'm going to try to keep up. It just means that my life is nuts-o right now.
So there is a lot to say at this point. Stay with me.
So we went to see the RE. SUPER nice doctor- Dr. Kahn. A lovely, good looking Indian man who was very attentive and explained everything very well. As I suspected, he told us that our only option would be IVF with ICSI. I am a total Google whore so I kind of knew that already. He explained everything to JC in non-medical IVF language which was also good. He never once said that he thinks it will be hard for us or there's a chance it won't work. He did say that it could take more than one cycle, but he was very hopeful. And I kind of loved that about him.
One of my big concerns about this whole thing is that JC's Low T is causing (or is a result of?) all kinds of other issues for him- fatigue, weight issues, etc. And because his count is so low- we can't treat the Low T without potentially crushing our hopes of using ICSI. This is really an issue because I also discovered at the RE that I have a 10 month waiting period on my insurance for any type of fertility coverage. Which means that none of the diagnostic testing or anything would be covered until the end of January of 2011. We can't treat the Low T until we can start IVF treatments. Best case- this puts us at March/April 2011. That's a long time for JC to go unchecked. So the RE is sending us to see a new uro that specializes in MFI. I'm super mega hoping that he can somehow help the Low T stuff without hurting our chances at ICSI any further. Fingers crossed for that.
So now we wait. JC gets all his stuff done in the meantime and we wait.
So there is a lot to say at this point. Stay with me.
So we went to see the RE. SUPER nice doctor- Dr. Kahn. A lovely, good looking Indian man who was very attentive and explained everything very well. As I suspected, he told us that our only option would be IVF with ICSI. I am a total Google whore so I kind of knew that already. He explained everything to JC in non-medical IVF language which was also good. He never once said that he thinks it will be hard for us or there's a chance it won't work. He did say that it could take more than one cycle, but he was very hopeful. And I kind of loved that about him.
One of my big concerns about this whole thing is that JC's Low T is causing (or is a result of?) all kinds of other issues for him- fatigue, weight issues, etc. And because his count is so low- we can't treat the Low T without potentially crushing our hopes of using ICSI. This is really an issue because I also discovered at the RE that I have a 10 month waiting period on my insurance for any type of fertility coverage. Which means that none of the diagnostic testing or anything would be covered until the end of January of 2011. We can't treat the Low T until we can start IVF treatments. Best case- this puts us at March/April 2011. That's a long time for JC to go unchecked. So the RE is sending us to see a new uro that specializes in MFI. I'm super mega hoping that he can somehow help the Low T stuff without hurting our chances at ICSI any further. Fingers crossed for that.
So now we wait. JC gets all his stuff done in the meantime and we wait.
Thank you Sulfa!
I know I've been MIA. I promise to update today. There is a lot to say.
But in the meantime- I have to post this video. I found it on Sulfababy's blog (which is http://leapingsulfa.blogspot.com/) and it really hit home with me. What IF?
But in the meantime- I have to post this video. I found it on Sulfababy's blog (which is http://leapingsulfa.blogspot.com/) and it really hit home with me. What IF?
What IF? A Portrait of Infertility from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Big Day Today
We're going to the RE today. Cycle 6 and I'm already going to see the RE. I never thought we would be here.
I'm hoping for some hope. I know I have a lot to learn. I just need some hope.
Emotionally- it is already so unbelievably hard. I'm terrified of so many things. I'm scared of getting consumed by IF. I'm scared of what it will do to my marriage. I'm scared of the financial impact it will have on our lives. But really- I'm scared of never having children.
So we'll see. The first thing I need is just some hope.
I'm hoping for some hope. I know I have a lot to learn. I just need some hope.
Emotionally- it is already so unbelievably hard. I'm terrified of so many things. I'm scared of getting consumed by IF. I'm scared of what it will do to my marriage. I'm scared of the financial impact it will have on our lives. But really- I'm scared of never having children.
So we'll see. The first thing I need is just some hope.
Thankful Thursday
Today I am thankful that we will go to the RE today. I am thankful that I'm back on arthritis meds.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
How is this possible?
Did I just never notice all the pregnant people around me before? Are there more of them? Are they after me?
I guess it just has a different impact when I find out someone is pregnant now. JC and I had some work done to our house and the contractors we were using are homeless. (nice people, but long story...) She's 47 and he must be almost 50? Both smoke like a freakin chimney. Oh and they are out of work. OH- and PREGNANT. WTF?!? No plan on how they will support the child (or themselves??), but having a baby. And me- plenty of ways to support a baby and no baby.
I guess it just has a different impact when I find out someone is pregnant now. JC and I had some work done to our house and the contractors we were using are homeless. (nice people, but long story...) She's 47 and he must be almost 50? Both smoke like a freakin chimney. Oh and they are out of work. OH- and PREGNANT. WTF?!? No plan on how they will support the child (or themselves??), but having a baby. And me- plenty of ways to support a baby and no baby.
Men are from Mars
JC says to me last night "I'll be ok if we can't have kids." Um, what? What did you say? Is this some kind of code for "I'm secretly upset about my swimmers being jacked up but I don't want to tell you that so I'm emotionally preparing myself for the fact that we may not be able to have children."??
We scratched the surface of the whole conversation about adoption, but the first comment threw me for such a loop that I couldn't even go there.
I mean I get it- he's upset. This is a pretty big blow to the man ego. But if you're upset- just be upset. That's allowed. Especially with me. I wish he would just show how he feels and not hold it all in. It makes me crazy.
Oh and PS- AF showed up today. Late, but not surprising. Always a good day.
We scratched the surface of the whole conversation about adoption, but the first comment threw me for such a loop that I couldn't even go there.
I mean I get it- he's upset. This is a pretty big blow to the man ego. But if you're upset- just be upset. That's allowed. Especially with me. I wish he would just show how he feels and not hold it all in. It makes me crazy.
Oh and PS- AF showed up today. Late, but not surprising. Always a good day.
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