I'm tired of hospitals.

So more surgery in our house. Except not for me this time. Since we didn't have anything else going on recently (insert sarcasm here), JC decided this would be the best time for him to have surgery. So he is going to have RNY Gastric Bypass Surgery- weight loss surgery. The same kind that I had almost four years ago now. JC has pretty bad gastric reflux disease and 2 years ago they found pre-cancerous cells in his esophagus. He also has a hiatal hernia. So the combination makes for not a good situation. The surgery will essentially cure the reflux disease by removing the part of his stomach that produces most of the acid. The hernia will be repaired in surgery and his weight loss will ensure that it will not happen again. It will be a bit of a long road- he'll be on a liquid diet all next week (and probably be a super crank-ass) and again for the week after surgery. The following 8 weeks will be a "mushy" food phase where all 4 tablespoons of what he eats will be similar to the consistency of applesauce. THEN he'll go back to solids, but still considerably less. I would expect him to drop about 100lbs. by the end of the year. It will be a big change and a hard road, but in the long run- great for his health.

Is it wrong that I'm already thinking about the potential changes to his testosterone levels? I mean I guess it's possible that he'll drop a ton of weight and his hormone levels will normalize and then we won't need IVF in a year??? Dangerous thoughts for me. Anything is possble, though, right?

What would have been....

So today would have been my estimated egg retrival had we gone through IVF. ::le sigh::

Emotionally I've been doing ok. And then I figured out that it would have been today and I got a little sad. In my head, I know that waiting a year isn't a deal breaker. But in my heart it feels like there is just no end in sight to all of this.

The hardest part is that I'm afraid I will spend the next year watching everyone else move forward and I'll still be left behind. Still with no baby.

I just don't want to spend the next year sad. It will just be too much.

I'm Out. Yikes.

Katie from 3T inspired me to support National Infertility Awareness Week this week. She came up with these very good status updates that she is using on Facebook all week and I just posted the first one. Ok, so I'll admit that I edited it a bit so it's a tiny bit less personal, but same idea.

I'm nervous about the reaction. And not sure if I'll post anymore. I guess I could always just say I'm supporting a friend? But on the other hand- I feel like such a wuss doing that. I should be able to just own this and admit that we are having trouble. I always hate on people who can't own it. So I should. I should own it and stand up for people who are afraid to.

Yikes. Can I still delete my status update?

Radiation Iodine Schedule

I talked to Nuclear Medicine today and got my schedule for Radiation Iodine.

Here's the scoop:
June 13: Start really sucky low iodine diet.

*Side note: You have no idea how much iodine is in food. Basically low iodine diet = only eat sucky foods. Awesomesauce.

June 27: Thyrogen Shot
June 28: Thyrogen Shot
June 29: Take I123 pill to prepare for Uptake Scan and have scan of salivary glands
June 30: Uptake scan to determine I131 dose

July 5: Thyrogen Shot
July 6: Thyrogen Shot
July 7: Admitted to the Hospital for RAI Treatment.
So they give you the dose of radioactive iodine and then you wait 2 hours to maximize absorption. And then you start showering, eating candy, and drinking water. They don't want to have radiation "resting" anywhere that bodily fluid may accumulate- your salivary glands, your bladder, resting on your skin from seeping out your pores. I was told at least 5 showers in a 24 hour period. I have to bring candy with me that will cause me to salivate. And I have to be constantly drinking fluid. Sounds fun, right?
July 8: Released from hospital once my radiation levels are acceptable for the general public.
July 9-13: Will be at home in isolation. I won't be allowed within 3 feet of anyone (including my cat) for more than just enough time to walk past them. JC and I will live on separate floors of the house. Boo Kitty will go on a week long vacation at my Mom's house. I'll need to get a set of sheets and towels that will be essentially disposable. JC won't be allowed in the same bathroom that I'll use. I'll need two sets of clothes- one day time and one night time. Each time I wake up, I'll need to change clothes and wash my clothes, sheets, and towels from the night before. I'll need to shower 2-3 times a day. All my plates, cups, utensils for the week will be disposable. (Sorry environment!)
July 13: Post Therapy Scan

So the good part- no real physical pain- aside from the freakin DRY ASS skin I will have after 85 million showers in a week. And after all that mess is done- I should have about a 2% chance of recurrence. Not bad odds.

I was hoping to get this done in June, but no dice. There is currently a global shortage of Thyrogen so this was the earliest they anticipate having the meds for me. Countdown to IVF: 15 months. Holy Crap that feels like forever.

Come out of Hiding!!

I have to admit that I am a total blog whore. I love it when I get a new follower. And I love the comments. I admitted the other day that this blog is somewhat self serving. It's like therapy for me.

But it's *really* nice to know that others read it.

And I look at my blog stats all the time. I discuss them with my friend lissasue. I'll never beat her in number of followers, though. Sadness. And then she and my recent blogging friend Kelly posted about outing all the lurkers. And now I'm curious.

If you read my blog- Tell me about yourself! How did you find my blog? What would you like to know about me? Extra points for funny questions.

Want to hear something terrible?

My niece was born today. Miss Olivia Grace M-. 8lbs. 2oz. 21 inches long.

And when I found out she was here, I cried. And not happy cry- woe is me cry. I cried cause I'm afraid I'll never have an Olivia.

Thank God my sister will never see this.

What makes a good day?

Two things REALLY made today Super Mega Awesome.

1. I got my pathology report back today and ALL the lymph nodes are CANCER FREE!! And that means NO MORE SURGERY!! WAAAHOO!! Amazeballs. Simply Amazeballs. There ended up being three instances of cancer in the thyroid and one of the nodules had some more aggressive cells in it. Because of that, Super Endo recommends that I go through radiation iodine treatment. And really- I'm ok with that. As long as I don't have to have any more surgery- I'm down. So REALLY good news.

2. My kind, kind friend Katie (from THIS post) offered to come with me to the hospital today. Katie is a Hematology/Oncology nurse (for kids, but whatevs)and is familiar with all the medical jargon and hospital business. And she knows that it was TOTALLY possible for me to actually murder my mother before the day ended. So it was very kind of her to offer to be the buffer and translator of all things medical. Soooooooooooo...we go into the nuclear medicine department and there is Dr. Garcia. Dr. McDreamy Garcia. My young, cute, non-wedding ring wearing radiation oncologist. Dr. McDreamy Garcia and Katie spent my appointment being flirty mcflirty. McDreamy Garcia offered all of us his card at the end of the appointment and Katie promptly asked him out for drinks via email. I'm so proud of Katie for this and told her I would have to blog about it.

So dear blog readers- Cross your fingers that the good news keeps flowing for both Katie and I.

And since you were all curious...here is a link to Dr. McDreamy Garcia. CLICK ME.