Anxiety

The closer I get to treatment, the higher my anxiety levels get. I'm noticing that I'm more aware of pregnant people and babies. And they are much more upsetting to me. I hate that. I just want to be happy and not have these kinds of things make me feel worried or sad.

If I'm like this now, how do I deal with the anxiety that lies ahead?!?

Bitter Betty?

Someone called me bitter today. Ok, so it was on the interwebz, but still. Bitter. Me. Whaaat? Am I?

Ok, so *maybe* I'm having a bitter day. But just maybe.

My sister is pregnant again. Her kids will be 1 year and 20 days apart. Irish Twins. I LOVE my nephew. He is so cute and so sweet. I love him the most. Today I found out that Baby #2 is a girl. And instead of having happy thoughts about dressing up my niece and going to ballet recitals and playing with her dolls- I was green with envy and 100% jealous. My mom called me and was so excited and already shopping and I was trying not to cry on the phone. So now she'll have one of each before I'll even be pregnant. She has officially stolen all the grandchild thunder right out from under me.

Disclaimer: In reality- I am thrilled. I love being an aunt and I will love having a niece. I would never say any of this to my sister, it's my own internal crazy.

Infertility seriously BLOWS.

Holiday Party

Or not?? Tonight was supposed to be our holiday party. And instead I'm on the couch with a box of tissues and my Boo Kitty watching bad television. I tried to get up this morning and go to the mall to start some of my Christmas shopping. Within an hour I felt like I had been hit by a truck and I was ready for a nap. I think I'm just wiped out!

I'm so sad that I got sick the weekend of our party and had to cancel it. I know there was no way I could have had all those people at my house- bring their kids over and get them all ill, though. So alas- no party this year.

On a lighter note- three excellent things- My TTGP Pal Alison is pregnant! So happy for her! I love it when I get to hear good news from my friends. Next is that next weekend I get to spend two days with my three high school friends from this post. I can't wait to see them again and catch up. And finally- as I type, JC is upstairs wrapping MY Christmas presents. He is an awesome gift-giver so I can't wait to see what ends up under my tree this year!!

Thankful Thursday

I missed Thankful Thursday yesterday because I'm ill. Snotty, fever, coughing ill. It sucks. But still I am thankful. I am thankful this week that I have good friends who support me when I need it the most.

Flying By...

I am such a bad waiter. I'm 110% impatient. It's one of the worst things about me. This whole "Let's have a Baby" thing is terrible for me because it's ALL about waiting. Wait to ovulate, wait to test. Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

So now I wait for Super Sperms. Sperms with capes that fight crime. We started waiting months ago and I thought the wait would be forever. Now I look up and it's almost December. I can almost see the capes...

Happy Thanksgiving!

I survived my first Thanksgiving with my in-laws. Cocktails might have helped. As chaotic as the day was, and as tired as I am now- I have to remember how blessed I am today and how much I have to be thankful for.

To name just a few- My JC, family, friends, my job, my health, my Bump Friends- so so blessed to have all of this in my life.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Let the Christmas Music begin!!

Super PISSED!

If you don't know already- I have become an active poster on The Bump's Trying to Get Pregnant (TTGP) message board. I think I would consider myself a regular there now that I've been posting for about 8 months. There is a terrible website called TTGP Post Secret. It's caused a lot of drama on the board. At first- I kind of liked reading them. You get to know who is calling out who, who is liked, who is secretly hated...gossipy kind of stuff.

My most recent visit to the website showed me the secret posted above and now I am SO pissed. I am SO tempted to wish terrible, horrible things on who ever wrote this. But after going through IF, I would never wish that on anyone. So if you posted this to that TERRIBLE website- YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE. Karma is a bitch.