Break Down or Break Through?

What a busy weekend. Lots of time spent getting the house ready to sell. Painting and organizing. We're having a big yard sale this coming weekend so hopefully it will make us some cash in the process.

So Friday was supposed to be JC's 2nd SA. Except it wasn't. Apparently the clinical environment of the clinic didn't so much lead to the romantic setting needed to get the job done. He called me at work and yelled at me about how he couldn't do it. I was upset because he yelled at me. He was upset about the whole thing. We went to dinner that night and barely spoke to each other. He finally broke the silence and I told him that if I yelled at him every time I was pissed off about something that he wouldn't like it either. This isn't my fault and we need to learn how to deal with things like this in a better way. We spent dinner talking about how he is really feeling physically bad lately. Mood swings, fatigue- his weight is becoming more of an issue which is making his heartburn worse and more frequent. All things that I'm really concerned about (back to the chicken and egg post...).

Saturday night we went out with some friend and he had a few drinks (maybe more than a few). We got home and he let it all out- he's so sad about all of this. He feels broken. He feels like he has let me down. It was heart breaking to hear him talk about it. But at least he talked about it. I wish he would talk about it more. Maybe it might be easier for him.

I feel like I can't wait until January. I can't wait and just let him keep feeling worse and worse. It's not fair. So I'm going to ask my mom for help. Even just with the OOP meds and diagnostics. If she can loan us the money for that, then maybe we can start earlier and hopefully get my old husband back.

Nervous again...

JC goes for SA numero 2 today. We need the numbers to be better than or equal to the last SA. If it is- we can have ICSI done by JC just giving a sample. If it's any worse- they will need to take tissue in order to get sperm. And holy crap- that might be JC's worst fear. EV-ER.

So cross your fingers for good swimmers today.

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful that I have supportive people around me. Everyone I have told about our IVF plans has really been so great and supportive. I am so lucky to have that.

What are you thankful for today?

$$ Show Me the Money $$

How in Gods name do people pay for IF treatments? Now that I am *a little bit* over the shock part of all of this- reality is setting in. How on earth can we afford IVF? Are we better off doing Shared Risk? So many more questions come up.

Here is a list of my financial gripes about this situation.
1. Insurance is a crock.
I have a 10 month waiting period on my insurance for Infertility coverage. So that means 10 months from my start date for any type of diagnostic testing. That puts me out till end of January. Which would be fine if we weren't dealing with JC's Low T issues. 10 month waiting period means no end in sight for JC's issues unless the new uro is a miracle worker. Even if he is- we can't afford to pay OOP for testing and drugs. Just not gonna happen. So we wait.

2. We are moving.
We're selling our house and moving into my 750 sq. ft. condo so we can save everything we possibly can to pay for IVF. It's going to be miserable, but in the end- hopefully will allow us to save enough to not have this put us in a huge financial pit. Moving sucks.

Now I just need the house to sell quickly. It goes on the market September 1!

Chicken or the Egg?

I might be puking blog entries all over the place. Now that I've started updating, I feel like there is so much to say.

JC is making me nuts. I'm running into a "What came first- chicken or egg?" scenario with him. So we found out about the Low T. Check. Then we found out that he is having liver issues- Fatty Liver Disease- to be specific. He is gaining weight. He's tired all the time. And now is blaming it all on the Low T. Except he told me today that he had Popeye's for lunch. So what causes what? Low T causes all of this mess or being overweight is causing Low T, Fatty Liver, etc.? Chicken or Egg?

I know all his stuff is connected. The weight, the fatigue, the hormones...but at the same time- Popeye's isn't gonna help. SO frustrating for me because I know that if all of this is connected- then he's not doing all he can to change or fix the problem.

I have told him that I'm upset about this, but I can't nag him into submission. I can't force a 34 year old man to eat salads. He has to be in charge of what he puts in his mouth. (Ew. Gross. Sorry.) I can't be his mommy. I need a doctor to lay the hammer down on him. I'm really hoping that the urologist can enlighten us (with me asking all the proper leading questions, clearly).

Thankful Thursday

This Thursday I'm thankful that we have a plan. And that we're starting down the road. I'm thankful for hope.

What are you thankful for this Thursday?

Overdue Update

I knew I would be a blogging fail! I swear I'm going to try to keep up. It just means that my life is nuts-o right now.

So there is a lot to say at this point. Stay with me.

So we went to see the RE. SUPER nice doctor- Dr. Kahn. A lovely, good looking Indian man who was very attentive and explained everything very well. As I suspected, he told us that our only option would be IVF with ICSI. I am a total Google whore so I kind of knew that already. He explained everything to JC in non-medical IVF language which was also good. He never once said that he thinks it will be hard for us or there's a chance it won't work. He did say that it could take more than one cycle, but he was very hopeful. And I kind of loved that about him.

One of my big concerns about this whole thing is that JC's Low T is causing (or is a result of?) all kinds of other issues for him- fatigue, weight issues, etc. And because his count is so low- we can't treat the Low T without potentially crushing our hopes of using ICSI. This is really an issue because I also discovered at the RE that I have a 10 month waiting period on my insurance for any type of fertility coverage. Which means that none of the diagnostic testing or anything would be covered until the end of January of 2011. We can't treat the Low T until we can start IVF treatments. Best case- this puts us at March/April 2011. That's a long time for JC to go unchecked. So the RE is sending us to see a new uro that specializes in MFI. I'm super mega hoping that he can somehow help the Low T stuff without hurting our chances at ICSI any further. Fingers crossed for that.

So now we wait. JC gets all his stuff done in the meantime and we wait.