Today's Goal

I just wanted to make it through the day without crying at work. Guess that is not happening. I made it till almost 8am, though so I guess that is a bonus.

Men are from Mars

I always want him to have the same reaction to everything as I do. If I am upset about something- clearly he must be too, right?

We'll never have natural chidlren and while I sit here half crying and fixing my blog, he's downstairs cracking up watching re-runs of The Big Bang Theory.

I'm sure he's upset in his own way, right? I have to stop expecting a reaction from him or I will just feel disappointed or something.

Worst.Words.Ever

So today we got the results of JC's S/A.

I got a text from him that just said "Real Low. Not good. They told me to go see a fertility specialist".

Did you get any numbers? Did you ask any questions? GRRRRrrrrrr...When will he learn?? Of course I'm already upset and trying with everything I have to keep my shit together at work. (PS- didn't really work, only kind of)

After a lot of back and forth getting faxes- I get the report. No clue what I was thinking- like if I got the report I would just figure it out. So there I am in my cube googling "Normal Sperm Analysis". I'm sure my IT guy would have a field day with me lately. I leave a message for my doctor and give up on trying to translate the numbers.

She finally called right after 5pm. She explains all the numbers. His count is "exceedingly low". So low that they couldn't even get a measure of morphology or motility. Awesome.

Then she said the worst thing ever to me. "If the numbers stay as they are, you will never be able to have children naturally." Worst.Words.Ever. It was like someone had just pulled all the air out of the room and I couldn't get a breath to save my life. My eyes are almost swollen shut.

Tomorrow I call the RE.

I am a blogging fail.

I for real suck at blogging. I promise to try to be better. So much has happened in the last few weeks. Where do I even start?!?

So let me update you. Sit back. This might be a long one.

JC (Husband's new alias) has been having strange pain in his side after he eats for a little while now. To me- it sounds like gall bladder problems. I *finally* convince him that he needs to go see a doctor about it. The GI Specialist sends him for an ultrasound of his gall bladder. The results show that his gall bladder is a-ok, but his liver- not so much. Fatty Liver Disease. I get to googling (clearly) and find out that this may or may not be connected to the hormone issues that he's having and we wait to see the urologist.

JC goes to urologist ALONE. Mistake #1. I now know that JC will never go to important doctors appointments alone. Ever. He sucks at the question asking part. Urologist tells him- sure- take Androgel. It won't hurt the swimmers and will fix your liver too. Oh and go get this semen analysis done. If it comes back bad- go see a fertility specialist. UM, HELLO. TONS of questions in between all those statements. Does JC ask any of them? Negative. So frustrating. But I digress. After a fair amount of googling and asking the girls on the boards (wonderful ladies- they are so helpful, really) I've been told that Androgel is a big no-no. I put the kabosh on him taking that stuff until we have more information.

I go to a new OB. I tell her my whole story- Rheumatoid Arthritis, Gastric Bypass (not sure I mentioned that...I had weight loss surgery like 3 years ago), Low Testosterone- the whole business. She does some reading while I'm sitting there and tells me that I should go back on my arthritis meds. They will be safe for TTGP and while I'm pregnant as well. THANK YOU GOD! That will make a HUGE difference in my quality of life. She tells me that I should send JC to a fertility clinic for the S/A- not a regular lab and writes me an order.

JC whines like a baby about providing the sample. I tell him to shut it multiple times and he complies. We turned in the sample last Monday and began to wait.

Whackadoodle Doctor

I hadn't had a physical in quite some time so a friend of mine recommended a new GP doc to me- she had a really good experience with them- so I figured I would try them out. I get my physical and really like the nurse practitioner. She discovered through blood work that my thyroid is under active and put me on Synthroid. Ok- good. I go back 8 weeks later for blood work in anticipation of my follow up appointment. I go back a week later for the appointment and the office is shut down. Just closed. Like TOTALLY shut down. FOR THREE WEEKS. No explanation or note on the door or message on the phone. Nothing. Awesome customer service, huh? My next problem was that my prescription was only going to last me so long and the office was now holding my lab results hostage. I *finally* just got in touch with them yesterday. My TSH levels are down from 4.6 to 3.9, but not far enough. Ideally they should be as close to 1 as possible. So she increased the Synthroid and I go back in 6 weeks. YEAH RIGHT. So they can be closed again?!? The hunt for a new doctor is on, but at least there is progress.

Moving Right Along

First of all- I've realized that I suck at blogging. I can't make mine have all the cute headers and dividers. It's a work in progress.

So Enrique made a urologist appointment today. Probably because I threatened him within an inch of his life if he didn't, but I'm ok with that. July 1st is the date. Far away, but not terrible. I won't be able to go with him because of a work conference so I have the next two weeks to compile the long list of questions that I have for the doctor. Must start now!

My aching ute

Enrique and I went to see some good friends this weekend who have a 14 month old son. HOLY SHIZ he is the sweetest little boy. He makes my uterus ache. Not all kids do it- but that little one TOTALLY does. I love him to bits.

I think part of the reason that I'm full steam ahead on the baby making train is that I'm finally truly happy in my life. I am so content in my relationship with Enrique that it's not just that I want to have a baby- but I want to have a baby with him. I'm trying to make an effort do discuss the "clinical" parts of this process less with him. I'm doing all the same work- peeing on all the right sticks, counting, tracking...just trying to leave him out of that part. Hopefully it will work.

I'm also hoping to get a urologist appointment scheduled this week. Dying to get my questions answered!! I should ovulate this week so it will be a busy one!