Last Beta

6839! Whoa. Maybe there really are two baking in there.

No more betas. Now we wait for the big show. Ultrasound. I'm scheduled for 5/28. LONGEST.WAIT.EVER.

In the meantime, I'm moving back in with my Mom this weekend. Well WE'RE moving in with my Mom. I guess J and Boo Kitty can come too. And then right after that my Mom's having heart surgery. It's gonna be a loooong two weeks. I need it to be June.

Beta #2!

1930! That's a doubling time of 42.5 hours. I'm feeling good about the numbers. So now just one more beta and then we'll schedule the ultrasound. And in the meantime, we'll move. Ugh. Why can't we ever just do one thing at a time??

Beta #1 is in!

883. Um, is this real life?? 883. Holy Crap.
Repeat beat is Thursday.

Yep. Still pregnant.

This is so shameful. Cause that's not even all of them. I've been peeing on lots-o-sticks. Lots. But my lines are getting darker and they appear faster. And for now- I'll take that as a good sign. Beta is like a billion trillion years away. Sike- it's on Tuesday, but it feels like it will never come. It's also next to impossible to not to tell every.single.person. Worst Best Secret of LIFE.

6dp5dt

Maybe not an evap line, huh?

Holy Shit. I'm having a baby. I'm going to be a MOM. 

Beta is still over a week away. That's like forever.

PS- If I know you IRL- NOT a peep about this. NADA. I haven't even told my Mom yet. 

5dp5dt

I've mixed meds, done like a bazillion shots, but taking a pregnancy test- a total mystery to me. Ugh. I haven't done this for serious in a long time. I acted like SUCH a NOOB today. I woke up, POAS, saw that the test was stark white and pitched it. An hour later- I saw this. See that SUPER faint line? My internet friends saw it too. And I have NO FREAKIN CLUE WHEN IT ARRIVED?!?! UGGGHHH! How could I do this to myself??? 

So now I wait. I wait to pee tomorrow. I went out and bought First Response tests today. 

Holy crap what if this worked?

What I'm Listening To

John Mayer's Heart of Life

I usually hate John Mayer. Ok, well I don't hate him, but he's so annoying. I heard this song and it reminded me of J. It sounds like something he would say to me when I found out someone else was pregnant, or when IVF #1 failed. He's the best. My J- not John Mayer, that is. Mayer's just ok.

My favorite lyrics:
You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then, circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good.

Fun's Carry On

I'm really lucky to have just about the best little group of interwebz friends EV-ER. 75 women who have stuck by me through all kinds of bullshit. They are pretty amazing. My friend Kati (you can find her blog here) made a little tribute video for our 75 and this song was in it. It's just about the best song for a sunny day with all your windows down and singing at the top of your lungs. Wanna see the video? It's super mega awesome. Click HERE. 

My favorite lyrics:

If you're lost and alone

And you're sinking like a stone

Carry On

May your past be the sound 

Of your feet upon the ground

Carry On